In case you've been living under a rock...the little town of Greenville, North Carolina is well on its way to being underwater. It has been pouring all day, and shows no signs of stopping. I'm convinced the rain is having a good laugh as it watches those of us who think an umbrella & polka-dot rainboots will suffice...you practically need a paddle boat to get to class!
I figured out in highschool how strongly my emotions were effected by the weather. I'm normally energetic, and agreeable. But on these dark & dreary days, I feel like I have a bone to pick with the whole world! That got me thinking...how different men are from women. Walker could care less about the weather. Hot, cold, rain or shine, he remains unchanged. [Unless it's snowing...then he turns into an elated 5 year old. Which I find adorable.] Another way we are completely different: I have seen Walker cry a total of 4 times. He on the other hand, would be c r a z y to even try and count how many times I've cried. The list goes on...we're just wired so differently!
I decided to ask myself a very selfish question. How can I vow to love someone so different from me...forever? Then I thought, isn't that exactly what God has done for us? He has promised to love us forever, and how much different are we from Him? Even though we are created in His image...He is a heavenly being, whose glory would literally blind us. We are lowly humans. He is perfect, spotless. We are filthy sinners. But oh, how He loves us.
Gary Thomas brings up an interesting point in his book Sacred Marriage...
[God lets us choose whom we're going to love. Because we get the choice and then find it difficult to carry out the love in practice, what grounds do we have to ever stop loving? God doesn't command us to get married, He offers it to us as an opportunity. Once we enter the marriage relationship--we cannot love God without loving our spouse as well.]
If I were getting married or not, I would obviously desire to love God. And since I have chosen Walker, I can now learn to love & honor God through loving & honoring Walker. Loving him no matter what differences arise. What a sweet lesson to learn! ...One last quote from Gary Thomas [I cant say enough good things about his book!]...
:::The beauty of Christianity is in learning to love, and few life situations test that so radically as does a marriage.:::
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Going.The.Distance.
[Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, and kindles the great.] --Roger de Rabutin
I found this quote when Walker & I first started dating, and it has been on my mind this week, since I seem to be struggling more than usual with the distance between us. As hard as it has been in the past, now that Walker & I are engaged...its even more difficult to be away from eachother than ever!
The biggest problem is not that we can't see eachother everyday [although I wish we could!], but rather that we literally live two separate lives. This was evident last weekend as we were put in a unique situation that combined both of us, and my friends, and his friends. We had no clue what to do with ourselves! Obviously we communicate constantly, about everything; and sometimes its almost like we're there with eachother. But we have become so used to having our own friends, our own jobs, our own churches, our own responsibilities...when our two different lives emerged, it felt almost...unnatural.
This really scared me. After all, in a mere 9 months our lives will become one. I have no idea what that looks like. I have no idea what it will be like to have the same social life, to operate on the same schedule. It's almost as if our relationship had its own little identity crisis. It has come to work so well as a long distance relationship...what happens when it turns into a no distance relationship?
I am preparing myself for, what I feel like, will be the biggest change--and that is complete exposure. Walker and I are honest with eachother. We don't hide things. But we have never, even with all the honesty we have shared, been involved in every aspect of eachothers lives. Every little part of our lives, of our being, is going to uncover itself. We have seen glimpses of this exposure, but I'm not really sure that is preparation enough.
So how DO I prepare for every little facet of our lives to be exposed? I pray that in the coming months, I can see Walker through God's eyes. After all, Genesis 1:27 says he was created in God's image, as were all of us. I pray I can see his heart, and his motives as God does. I pray that I would think of him first as a priceless creation of God's, a work of art, and then second as a husband.
By seeing Walker through the eyes of God, it won't matter what is exposed once the distance between us is removed. There will be nothing I could discover about Walker that would take away his worth or preciousness. Not to mention, taking on a holier perception of Walker will only make me love him more, it will only make me more honored, more humbled to be his companion in this life.
As the months crawl by...I know the distance will continue to prove a challenge. But I am willing to bet, the more I continue to view Walker through God-colored glasses, the closer he will seem. Even still, I do have to say...thank goodness for Skype!
I found this quote when Walker & I first started dating, and it has been on my mind this week, since I seem to be struggling more than usual with the distance between us. As hard as it has been in the past, now that Walker & I are engaged...its even more difficult to be away from eachother than ever!
The biggest problem is not that we can't see eachother everyday [although I wish we could!], but rather that we literally live two separate lives. This was evident last weekend as we were put in a unique situation that combined both of us, and my friends, and his friends. We had no clue what to do with ourselves! Obviously we communicate constantly, about everything; and sometimes its almost like we're there with eachother. But we have become so used to having our own friends, our own jobs, our own churches, our own responsibilities...when our two different lives emerged, it felt almost...unnatural.
This really scared me. After all, in a mere 9 months our lives will become one. I have no idea what that looks like. I have no idea what it will be like to have the same social life, to operate on the same schedule. It's almost as if our relationship had its own little identity crisis. It has come to work so well as a long distance relationship...what happens when it turns into a no distance relationship?
I am preparing myself for, what I feel like, will be the biggest change--and that is complete exposure. Walker and I are honest with eachother. We don't hide things. But we have never, even with all the honesty we have shared, been involved in every aspect of eachothers lives. Every little part of our lives, of our being, is going to uncover itself. We have seen glimpses of this exposure, but I'm not really sure that is preparation enough.
So how DO I prepare for every little facet of our lives to be exposed? I pray that in the coming months, I can see Walker through God's eyes. After all, Genesis 1:27 says he was created in God's image, as were all of us. I pray I can see his heart, and his motives as God does. I pray that I would think of him first as a priceless creation of God's, a work of art, and then second as a husband.
By seeing Walker through the eyes of God, it won't matter what is exposed once the distance between us is removed. There will be nothing I could discover about Walker that would take away his worth or preciousness. Not to mention, taking on a holier perception of Walker will only make me love him more, it will only make me more honored, more humbled to be his companion in this life.
As the months crawl by...I know the distance will continue to prove a challenge. But I am willing to bet, the more I continue to view Walker through God-colored glasses, the closer he will seem. Even still, I do have to say...thank goodness for Skype!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Bridezilla.Breakdown.
Bridezilla: (n.) A generic term used to describe a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride who leaves aggravated family, friends and bridal vendors in her wake.
Today it happened. My first bridezilla breakdown. And before I go any further with this post, I should mention that it happened nothing like on that Oxygen TV show. There were no thick New Jersey accents or fake rinestoned fingernails involved.
It all started during a phone conversation with my Mother. [Who I doubt is reading this because I'm pretty sure that until a few weeks ago, she thought a blog was a piece of hard candy or something.] Her favorite thing to remind is "Allison this is your day." But I think she usually means to tag on the end of that "...BUT, its my money." Anyways. The point of this blog is not to document the words & actions of my breakdown, but to call myself out on being so shamefully quick to anger.
I think we all have a little Bridezilla in us, even though obviously we aren't all brides. But are not each of us sometimes difficult, unpleasant, perfectionists? Do we not all sometimes leave friends, family, and others around us in our wake of selfishness as we storm off to go find someone else who will listen to our trivial complaints?
Just a thought.
As I sat there realizing how quickly I had just gone from "estatic-blushing-bride-to-be" ...to..."someone-put-this-woman-in-a-straight-jacket"...I got to thinking. How is this in any way honoring God? The one who gave me this supportive family, this wonderful man, this relationship?
Growing up in my youth group, I was fortunate enough to have a Youth Pastor who made it one of his top priorities to instill this concept in me: Everything we do can be an act of worship. Even this stressful time of planning a wedding. I began to pray "God, show me how I can honor You in this process. Show me how to worship You in my wedding planning." After all...its not really my day. June 25, 2011 will be a day that the Lord will make. And we will rejoice and be glad in it. It will be His day.
These next 9 months can be a worship experience. I can honor God by the way I treat my family, my bridal party, my florist. I can honor God by keeping up with my school work as I plan this wedding. I can worship God by daily praising Him for the gift of relationships & love.
After this realization, slowly, the Bridezilla began to turn back into a Bride. A Bride who will undoubtably face more challenges, and probably a few breakdowns, in the future; but will strive to tackle them with a heart of worship.
Today it happened. My first bridezilla breakdown. And before I go any further with this post, I should mention that it happened nothing like on that Oxygen TV show. There were no thick New Jersey accents or fake rinestoned fingernails involved.
It all started during a phone conversation with my Mother. [Who I doubt is reading this because I'm pretty sure that until a few weeks ago, she thought a blog was a piece of hard candy or something.] Her favorite thing to remind is "Allison this is your day." But I think she usually means to tag on the end of that "...BUT, its my money." Anyways. The point of this blog is not to document the words & actions of my breakdown, but to call myself out on being so shamefully quick to anger.
I think we all have a little Bridezilla in us, even though obviously we aren't all brides. But are not each of us sometimes difficult, unpleasant, perfectionists? Do we not all sometimes leave friends, family, and others around us in our wake of selfishness as we storm off to go find someone else who will listen to our trivial complaints?
Just a thought.
As I sat there realizing how quickly I had just gone from "estatic-blushing-bride-to-be" ...to..."someone-put-this-woman-in-a-straight-jacket"...I got to thinking. How is this in any way honoring God? The one who gave me this supportive family, this wonderful man, this relationship?
Growing up in my youth group, I was fortunate enough to have a Youth Pastor who made it one of his top priorities to instill this concept in me: Everything we do can be an act of worship. Even this stressful time of planning a wedding. I began to pray "God, show me how I can honor You in this process. Show me how to worship You in my wedding planning." After all...its not really my day. June 25, 2011 will be a day that the Lord will make. And we will rejoice and be glad in it. It will be His day.
These next 9 months can be a worship experience. I can honor God by the way I treat my family, my bridal party, my florist. I can honor God by keeping up with my school work as I plan this wedding. I can worship God by daily praising Him for the gift of relationships & love.
After this realization, slowly, the Bridezilla began to turn back into a Bride. A Bride who will undoubtably face more challenges, and probably a few breakdowns, in the future; but will strive to tackle them with a heart of worship.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
A.Constant.Courtship.
This weekend has come & gone so quickly that it has left my head spinning! Wasn't it just Friday? Geez! On Friday and Saturday, Walker & I had the chance visit our recently married friends Nathan & Brittany Blake, who live near Campbell University. Nathan & Walker are childhood friends...so whenever the two get together, there is ::never:: a dull moment! We had a great time catching up with them, picking their brains with questions about wedding planning, and playing with their precious westie pup, Khloe! Thanks Nathan & Brittany for your sweet hospitality...we love you guys!
Amidst the relaxation & fun, my lesson in humility was continuing. Through a series of events that have played out in my family during recent months, I am realizing how unrelenting Christ is in His attempts to gain FULL control in all areas of our lives. I was always taught in Sunday School that God is not satisfied with partial control; and that is true. But what I personally struggle with as of late, is giving God consistant control.
I began to imagine...what if God were inconsistant in His pursuit for us? What if there were seasons where He decided He'd just rather not try for our love, He would rather not give up His time to seek after us? THEN, I began to imagine...what if Walker were inconsistant in his pursuit for me? What if there were days where he just decided he didn't care?...About knowing me, loving me, providing for me.
These thoughts led me to conclude: One of the best characteristics I can glean from Christ, is the consistancy of His pursuit. If I could seek after my husband with half of the genuineness & ferver that God uses to seek after His children, I will be doing my husband & my marriage a great service. I can't get over the intensity that God uses in His searching for my devotion and control. May Walker court me, and I him, just as passionately & energetically as the day we began dating. May I never stop wanting to know more about him. May I never end my quest to serve & love him the way Christ loves me.
What a humbling thought to realize just how constant God; the most powerful and beautiful being in the universe, is in His efforts to love us. To show us grace and mercy. To offer us peace. He never lets up! And what joy & humility that brings me. Where would I be without the constant pursuit of Christ for my heart? Now may I return the favor, and pursue His.
[You won't relent until You have it all.
My heart is Yours.]
Amidst the relaxation & fun, my lesson in humility was continuing. Through a series of events that have played out in my family during recent months, I am realizing how unrelenting Christ is in His attempts to gain FULL control in all areas of our lives. I was always taught in Sunday School that God is not satisfied with partial control; and that is true. But what I personally struggle with as of late, is giving God consistant control.
I began to imagine...what if God were inconsistant in His pursuit for us? What if there were seasons where He decided He'd just rather not try for our love, He would rather not give up His time to seek after us? THEN, I began to imagine...what if Walker were inconsistant in his pursuit for me? What if there were days where he just decided he didn't care?...About knowing me, loving me, providing for me.
These thoughts led me to conclude: One of the best characteristics I can glean from Christ, is the consistancy of His pursuit. If I could seek after my husband with half of the genuineness & ferver that God uses to seek after His children, I will be doing my husband & my marriage a great service. I can't get over the intensity that God uses in His searching for my devotion and control. May Walker court me, and I him, just as passionately & energetically as the day we began dating. May I never stop wanting to know more about him. May I never end my quest to serve & love him the way Christ loves me.
What a humbling thought to realize just how constant God; the most powerful and beautiful being in the universe, is in His efforts to love us. To show us grace and mercy. To offer us peace. He never lets up! And what joy & humility that brings me. Where would I be without the constant pursuit of Christ for my heart? Now may I return the favor, and pursue His.
[You won't relent until You have it all.
My heart is Yours.]
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Liberty.In.Humility.
I, by my own admission, would normally not be caught dead reading for leisure. However, upon getting engaged, a friend who is recently married reccomended I pick up a copy of Gary Thomas's Scared Marriage. Since buying the book last weekend, you would think I was Belle, in her sleepy little village with her nose stuck in a book [minus the apron & middle parted hair, of course]. I simply cannot put it down! The book poses this main question: What if God designed marriage to make us holy, more than to make us happy?
I was going to wait until I finished reading the book to blog about it; but my own spiritual growth & my relationship with Walker & this book have all met at such an insightful intersection, that I can think of nothing else tonight!
Last night Walker & I got to talking about the things we have been spiritually struggling with lately. Humility. Topped both our lists. Our prideful spirits have manifested themselves differently in our separate lives, but there was still something so refreshing about our honesty with one another. To expose our sin to the other, and identify with that sin, was so unifying.
God has recently started to reveal to me that with humility, comes such sweet, unchaining liberty. Freedom. Release. When I live humbly, I am free to love people more. I am free to seek God further & with more energy. I am free to dismiss my shallow judgements of people. I am free to listen. I am free to learn & grow.
In Gary Thomas's book, he quotes Dr. John Barger about the similarities between a man's humble relationship with his wife, and a Christian's humble relationship with his God.
[We (men) cannot successfully demand the love of a woman, or the love of God. We have to wait. And just as a woman's heart is melted when she encounters in us weakness accompanied by our humble admission of it, so God's heart is melted and He is most tender and gracious to us when He encounters in us weakness accompanied by our humble admission of it.]
The way God has chosen to teach me this lesson in humility through my relationship with Walker, & my preparation for marriage, has truly been...well, humbling. I can think of no better time to be reminded of the importance of humility, and the liberty that comes with it, than right now. Now, during these months before my wedding when I am preparing to sacrifice my own needs for those of my husband. Now, when I desire the complete freedom to glorify God more, by loving & living humbly.
I was going to wait until I finished reading the book to blog about it; but my own spiritual growth & my relationship with Walker & this book have all met at such an insightful intersection, that I can think of nothing else tonight!
Last night Walker & I got to talking about the things we have been spiritually struggling with lately. Humility. Topped both our lists. Our prideful spirits have manifested themselves differently in our separate lives, but there was still something so refreshing about our honesty with one another. To expose our sin to the other, and identify with that sin, was so unifying.
God has recently started to reveal to me that with humility, comes such sweet, unchaining liberty. Freedom. Release. When I live humbly, I am free to love people more. I am free to seek God further & with more energy. I am free to dismiss my shallow judgements of people. I am free to listen. I am free to learn & grow.
In Gary Thomas's book, he quotes Dr. John Barger about the similarities between a man's humble relationship with his wife, and a Christian's humble relationship with his God.
[We (men) cannot successfully demand the love of a woman, or the love of God. We have to wait. And just as a woman's heart is melted when she encounters in us weakness accompanied by our humble admission of it, so God's heart is melted and He is most tender and gracious to us when He encounters in us weakness accompanied by our humble admission of it.]
The way God has chosen to teach me this lesson in humility through my relationship with Walker, & my preparation for marriage, has truly been...well, humbling. I can think of no better time to be reminded of the importance of humility, and the liberty that comes with it, than right now. Now, during these months before my wedding when I am preparing to sacrifice my own needs for those of my husband. Now, when I desire the complete freedom to glorify God more, by loving & living humbly.
Monday, September 13, 2010
June.25th.2011
I am SO thrilled to finally announce, officially, that I will become Allison Brown on June 25, 2011.
Finding a venue, and thereby securing a date, proved to be more of a challenge than I had originally thought, but we finally found the perfect place that fit our budget. More than that, we found a location that provides the perfect atmosphere for what I've invisioned on our special day. The venue we've chosen is beautiful! Overlooking a small lake near my hometown, and options for inside dining & outside dancing, it is the perfect balance of simplicity and charm.
I've chosen yellow & gray as my color scheme. [is it obvious?!] I had thought about so many different combinations, but in the end I knew I would regret not having yellow in my wedding for the simple, albeit juvenile, reason that it is my absolute favorite color in the whole entire world! As for choosing the color gray, let me just observe that whoever said "gray is the new black" seriously knew what they were talking about! It is perfect! I wanted something clean & classy, but not as heavy and formal as black. Once I saw this combo of cheerful yellow & simple gray; it was love at first sight!
A weight has definitely been lifted off my shoulders today now that we officially have a date & venue. And I know this blog may seem a bit contradictory after my "the-wedding-holds-no-importance-its-all-about-the-marriage" post...BUT, what do you expect? I'm a girl! Its practically embedded in my DNA to think about things like this! I am definitely being intentional about preparing my heart for the challenges of a new marriage, but in doing that, I would hate to become numb to all the simple, girly enjoyment that this process has to offer! Now excuse me while I let out a shriek of excitement and practice writing Mrs. Walker Brown all over my notes. :)
Finding a venue, and thereby securing a date, proved to be more of a challenge than I had originally thought, but we finally found the perfect place that fit our budget. More than that, we found a location that provides the perfect atmosphere for what I've invisioned on our special day. The venue we've chosen is beautiful! Overlooking a small lake near my hometown, and options for inside dining & outside dancing, it is the perfect balance of simplicity and charm.
I've chosen yellow & gray as my color scheme. [is it obvious?!] I had thought about so many different combinations, but in the end I knew I would regret not having yellow in my wedding for the simple, albeit juvenile, reason that it is my absolute favorite color in the whole entire world! As for choosing the color gray, let me just observe that whoever said "gray is the new black" seriously knew what they were talking about! It is perfect! I wanted something clean & classy, but not as heavy and formal as black. Once I saw this combo of cheerful yellow & simple gray; it was love at first sight!
A weight has definitely been lifted off my shoulders today now that we officially have a date & venue. And I know this blog may seem a bit contradictory after my "the-wedding-holds-no-importance-its-all-about-the-marriage" post...BUT, what do you expect? I'm a girl! Its practically embedded in my DNA to think about things like this! I am definitely being intentional about preparing my heart for the challenges of a new marriage, but in doing that, I would hate to become numb to all the simple, girly enjoyment that this process has to offer! Now excuse me while I let out a shriek of excitement and practice writing Mrs. Walker Brown all over my notes. :)
 |
| A little something to get my creative juices flowing! |
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Tilling.The.Soul.
What a weekend! My family & I officially began the planning process...and to my surprise, I got a lot more stressed out than I ever intended to! Things that had only been ideas or opinions, began to take shape as actual concepts of my Big Day. I had a lovely vision in my head of everything falling together perfectly, like a Taylor Swift music video. But that is not how it works at all. There are budgets. And Mothers. And guest lists that are 100 people too long. After a while...everything began to take the shape of one. big. dollar sign.
Cha-ching.
Needless to say, I felt myself grow a bit discouraged as the weekend went on. I felt almost guilty in a way, that I could feel anything but pure excitement and bliss during this time. Until that point, I had held tight to the mindset that there was no way the trivial details of my wedding would get in the way of my spiritual and emotional preparation for my marriage. Thankfully, I stumbled upon this quote to help me regain my mental bearings.
[A wedding is not a marriage. A wedding is only the beginning of an undertaking that may or may not, someday, develop into a marriage. What the couple have on their wedding day is not the key to a beautiful garden, but just a vacant lot and a few gardening tools. --David & Vera Mace]
My thoughts, my prayers, my energy...should all really be directed towards what will happen in the days and years after our wedding. After all, I've never had a garden but I am willing to bet that it is the tilling of the soil, the planting and watering of the seeds, the patience required to watch things grow...that require the most work & attention. My prayer is that I may begin tilling my soul. To prepare my heart for lots of new, exciting, & challenging things, to take root. I know I am bound to become discouraged again...but as for tonight, I have found renewed strength & encouragement; strength to keep my thoughts from the things that don't really matter, and encouragement to prepare my heart for the things that really do.
Cha-ching.
Needless to say, I felt myself grow a bit discouraged as the weekend went on. I felt almost guilty in a way, that I could feel anything but pure excitement and bliss during this time. Until that point, I had held tight to the mindset that there was no way the trivial details of my wedding would get in the way of my spiritual and emotional preparation for my marriage. Thankfully, I stumbled upon this quote to help me regain my mental bearings.
[A wedding is not a marriage. A wedding is only the beginning of an undertaking that may or may not, someday, develop into a marriage. What the couple have on their wedding day is not the key to a beautiful garden, but just a vacant lot and a few gardening tools. --David & Vera Mace]
My thoughts, my prayers, my energy...should all really be directed towards what will happen in the days and years after our wedding. After all, I've never had a garden but I am willing to bet that it is the tilling of the soil, the planting and watering of the seeds, the patience required to watch things grow...that require the most work & attention. My prayer is that I may begin tilling my soul. To prepare my heart for lots of new, exciting, & challenging things, to take root. I know I am bound to become discouraged again...but as for tonight, I have found renewed strength & encouragement; strength to keep my thoughts from the things that don't really matter, and encouragement to prepare my heart for the things that really do.
Friday, September 10, 2010
The.Worth.in.Waiting.
"Before a girl's turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months with oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics. And this is how she would go to the king..." Esther 2:12-13
As I am waiting to become Walkers wife, I am reminded of the time Esther spent in waiting before she could go before King Xerxes. Imagine...an entire year set aside to become all you can be for the man you love. Obviously, being a full time student as I plan this wedding, I do not have the time to set aside 12 months to undergo extensive beauty treatments or take etiquette classes. But I do have time to alter my thought process. I do have the time to begin thinking of this engagement period as a time of cultivating versus a time of simply waiting. A time to cultivate the virtues of a Godly woman. A time of preparing myself to be a wife, and eventually a mother. A time to complete my ministry as a single woman, and pray about what God would lead Walker and I to do as we begin our ministry together.
It would break my heart to look back on these 9 months, after I am years married and well-established, and have to face the fact that I did not recognize these moments for what they were. That I didn't use them learn, and grow, and become a better woman for my husband. Charo Washer has this to say in regards to time spent as a woman waiting on marriage:
[It is a wonderful thing when God blesses a woman with a husband. That special someone who is just perfect for her in that he has been carefully and thoughtfully designed by God to be united as one with her. It is such a joy for the woman to look back and remember how God enabled her to wait on Him and that He was faithful to bless. It is still an even greater joy for her to know that her time as a single woman was also a time of seeking God and being faithful to Him and His purpose. That she did not for one moment wish to flee that state, but desired only to trust in God and wait upon His gracious sovereignty.]
So while I am so extremely excited to become Mrs. Walker Brown, it is my hearts biggest desire that I don't allow myself to just sit here and watch it all happen; that I don't get so consumed in wedding gowns & bridal showers that I forget all that God could be doing through me at this special time, if I would only allow it. May I be a Bride-to-Be that cultivates, not simply waits.
As I am waiting to become Walkers wife, I am reminded of the time Esther spent in waiting before she could go before King Xerxes. Imagine...an entire year set aside to become all you can be for the man you love. Obviously, being a full time student as I plan this wedding, I do not have the time to set aside 12 months to undergo extensive beauty treatments or take etiquette classes. But I do have time to alter my thought process. I do have the time to begin thinking of this engagement period as a time of cultivating versus a time of simply waiting. A time to cultivate the virtues of a Godly woman. A time of preparing myself to be a wife, and eventually a mother. A time to complete my ministry as a single woman, and pray about what God would lead Walker and I to do as we begin our ministry together.
It would break my heart to look back on these 9 months, after I am years married and well-established, and have to face the fact that I did not recognize these moments for what they were. That I didn't use them learn, and grow, and become a better woman for my husband. Charo Washer has this to say in regards to time spent as a woman waiting on marriage:
[It is a wonderful thing when God blesses a woman with a husband. That special someone who is just perfect for her in that he has been carefully and thoughtfully designed by God to be united as one with her. It is such a joy for the woman to look back and remember how God enabled her to wait on Him and that He was faithful to bless. It is still an even greater joy for her to know that her time as a single woman was also a time of seeking God and being faithful to Him and His purpose. That she did not for one moment wish to flee that state, but desired only to trust in God and wait upon His gracious sovereignty.]
So while I am so extremely excited to become Mrs. Walker Brown, it is my hearts biggest desire that I don't allow myself to just sit here and watch it all happen; that I don't get so consumed in wedding gowns & bridal showers that I forget all that God could be doing through me at this special time, if I would only allow it. May I be a Bride-to-Be that cultivates, not simply waits.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Our.Engagement.Story
I wanted to take a few minutes to document our engagement story...not that I would ever forget it! Sometimes though, I have a tendency to think about things so often that the details begin to blur. So here is my side of the story. [I say "my side" as if Walker will eventually add "his side" of the story, but lets be honest, this isn't quite his thing. However, he did just start his own blog! Check it out here.]
The weekend of our engagement had been months in the making, and I had no idea! I had planned to travel to Mars Hill for the weekend, and upon my arrival Walker and I headed off to downtown Asheville [where I have been begging to go!] to eat dinner at Wasabi, a great Japanese restaurant. Dinner was wonderful, and it had been almost 3 weeks since our last visit, so just being in eachothers company was more than enough for me! Little did I know what coming next...
During our meal, Walker kept implying that he was ready to go, regardless of the fact that my plate was still half-filled with food! I could sense something was up, but couldn't quite put my finger on it. So when he mentioned "Part 2" of our date, my thoughts began to wander...there was no telling where we were headed.
We drove back from Asheville and into Mars Hill, and straight to the chapel on campus. [A bit of our history as a couple: the Mars Hill Chapel is a really neat part of our relationship. When we first became friends on InVision in the Summer of 2008, we spent countless hours talking in the chapel, and it is where our friendship really rooted itself. It has been our place ever since!] At this point it was about 9:45pm and I was sure it would be locked. Of course it wasn't, and Walker took me by the hand as we walked down the center aisle of the chapel. At this point, my head began to s p i n. He went on to say so many wonderful & romantic things that I dont think either one of us remember...but it was all so lovely! With my left hand still in his, he dropped down to one knee and pulled the ring out of his pocket. He asked me to marry him and I immediately said Y E S...about 60 times! I kept asking "Is this real? Is all of this real?" I couldn't believe it! It still feels like a dream, and even just typing this, overwhelms me with joy.
A really neat component to our story; Walker proposed on the evening of his parents wedding anniversary! We love that, and we are so lucky to have Tony & Vonda's marriage as an example for our own!
We sat together in the chapel for a little while, talking and sharing in all the excitment, when suddenly these two Mars Hill students open the door to the chapel. Walker nor I had no clue who these girls were, but I screamed out "We just got engaged!!" And we all 4 shared a sweet hug! Those were the first two people we "officially" told, and they will forever be a part of our story. :)
Once we left the chapel we went back to Walkers apartment. His roommates, along with some other amazing Mars Hill friends *who had known all along!* had prepared a celebration for us complete with sparkling grape juice, a cookie cake, & bridal magazines! It was adorable, and the perfect end to a p e r f e c t evening!
The weekend of our engagement had been months in the making, and I had no idea! I had planned to travel to Mars Hill for the weekend, and upon my arrival Walker and I headed off to downtown Asheville [where I have been begging to go!] to eat dinner at Wasabi, a great Japanese restaurant. Dinner was wonderful, and it had been almost 3 weeks since our last visit, so just being in eachothers company was more than enough for me! Little did I know what coming next...
During our meal, Walker kept implying that he was ready to go, regardless of the fact that my plate was still half-filled with food! I could sense something was up, but couldn't quite put my finger on it. So when he mentioned "Part 2" of our date, my thoughts began to wander...there was no telling where we were headed.
We drove back from Asheville and into Mars Hill, and straight to the chapel on campus. [A bit of our history as a couple: the Mars Hill Chapel is a really neat part of our relationship. When we first became friends on InVision in the Summer of 2008, we spent countless hours talking in the chapel, and it is where our friendship really rooted itself. It has been our place ever since!] At this point it was about 9:45pm and I was sure it would be locked. Of course it wasn't, and Walker took me by the hand as we walked down the center aisle of the chapel. At this point, my head began to s p i n. He went on to say so many wonderful & romantic things that I dont think either one of us remember...but it was all so lovely! With my left hand still in his, he dropped down to one knee and pulled the ring out of his pocket. He asked me to marry him and I immediately said Y E S...about 60 times! I kept asking "Is this real? Is all of this real?" I couldn't believe it! It still feels like a dream, and even just typing this, overwhelms me with joy.
A really neat component to our story; Walker proposed on the evening of his parents wedding anniversary! We love that, and we are so lucky to have Tony & Vonda's marriage as an example for our own!
We sat together in the chapel for a little while, talking and sharing in all the excitment, when suddenly these two Mars Hill students open the door to the chapel. Walker nor I had no clue who these girls were, but I screamed out "We just got engaged!!" And we all 4 shared a sweet hug! Those were the first two people we "officially" told, and they will forever be a part of our story. :)
Once we left the chapel we went back to Walkers apartment. His roommates, along with some other amazing Mars Hill friends *who had known all along!* had prepared a celebration for us complete with sparkling grape juice, a cookie cake, & bridal magazines! It was adorable, and the perfect end to a p e r f e c t evening!
 |
| E N G A G E D ! |
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| The RING! It is absolutely PERFECT! |
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Only.The.Beginning
ENGAGED; Day 4 (First day of blogging! Eeek!):
[[I decided to start this blog to document all my wedding planning adventures! Never in my life have I had a blog; therefore I have no idea what is acceptable in "blog world" and what is not, so forgive me if I botch this up!]]
First things first. Being engaged to Walker is the funnest thing in the world. To know we are beginning the process of spending the rest of our lives together is incredible! The .second. funnest thing in the world would have to be the constant Facebook comments, e-mails, text messages, and phone calls we continue to recieve from our friends and family. The outpouring of love and support has been overwhelming and I simply cannot express our gratitude enough!
One thing I keep hearing over and over is "this is only. the. beginning." I never know if they mean that in an encouraging, or discouraging way...I imagine a little bit of both. For the sake of my sanity, tonight I choose to look at it in an encouraging way. The beginning could not be a better place to be. Not only is this just the beginning of planning a wedding, but its the beginning of planning a new life for Walker and I...and I want to cherish every little moment! Even the stressful ones, even the t e d i o u s ones, even the emotional ones. I cant wait to look back on this blog one day, and be refreshed with .the newness. of all of this. So much is happening so fast, and I will never find myself in this spot again. So bring on the flowers & save-the-dates...I am so glad this is only the beginning!
[[I decided to start this blog to document all my wedding planning adventures! Never in my life have I had a blog; therefore I have no idea what is acceptable in "blog world" and what is not, so forgive me if I botch this up!]]
First things first. Being engaged to Walker is the funnest thing in the world. To know we are beginning the process of spending the rest of our lives together is incredible! The .second. funnest thing in the world would have to be the constant Facebook comments, e-mails, text messages, and phone calls we continue to recieve from our friends and family. The outpouring of love and support has been overwhelming and I simply cannot express our gratitude enough!
One thing I keep hearing over and over is "this is only. the. beginning." I never know if they mean that in an encouraging, or discouraging way...I imagine a little bit of both. For the sake of my sanity, tonight I choose to look at it in an encouraging way. The beginning could not be a better place to be. Not only is this just the beginning of planning a wedding, but its the beginning of planning a new life for Walker and I...and I want to cherish every little moment! Even the stressful ones, even the t e d i o u s ones, even the emotional ones. I cant wait to look back on this blog one day, and be refreshed with .the newness. of all of this. So much is happening so fast, and I will never find myself in this spot again. So bring on the flowers & save-the-dates...I am so glad this is only the beginning!
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