An.Update.

EIGHT MONTHS to go! This makes part of me want to scream, and part of me want to jump up & down and squeal with delight. Things are coming along smoothly. I feel like I am right on track! My dress has been ordered, and my bridesmaid dresses will be ordered by Thanksgiving. Our date + venue are still secured, and the honeymoon is booked! We will be honeymooning here, the Secrets Resort of Cap Cana, Dominican Republic [sometimes I shorten it in my head and say Dom Repub]. We are so excited and this is truly a dream honeymoon for us! We are thankful for the extreme generosity of two special, dear friends who have given us this trip essentially free of cost. We are forever grateful for the example of selflessness and cheerful giving that they have shown us. To those sweet friends...thank you! We love you both!

We know that while we will be staying at an extremely lavish resort, the Dominican Republic is a very poverty stricken nation. We are looking for an opportunity to commit a day of our stay there to help out with a local mission project. So if anyone reading this knows of a missionary in the DR who could use some help in early July...let me know! Please be praying that we would be given an opportunity to serve.

Right now our biggest obstacle is proving to be the guest list. Still. We just know too many wonderful people! I guess if we're going to have a problem...that is a great one to have! The encouragement and support we continue to receive from our parents, family, and friends is so sweet! Saying we are extremly grateful would be an understatement!

This weekend I will travel over to Asheville to spend the weekend with Walker! We're dressing up as Johnny & June Carter Cash for Halloween! I am really excited because June Carter Cash is one of my favorite women ever! I will also help Walker with his youth lock-in on Friday night, and the church Fall Festival on Saturday. It should be a great weekend, & I will be sure to post pictures here!

We started reading a book together this week by Gary Chapman called "Things I wish I'd Known Before We Got Married." We're reading a chapter a week...and this week's chapter is called "I Wish I Had Known: That Being in Love is not an Adaquate Foundation for Building a Successful Marriage." Quite a title. It talks about how "infatuation" or "the tingles" eventually wear off...and then what do we have? So even though its really hard for me NOT to get the chills when I see Walker after 2 weeks apart...I'm going to focus this weekend not only on our love, but on friendship, laughter, and encouragement as well. Which shouldn't be hard to do! :)

Mirror.Mirror.

Where do the weekends go? Seriously. This one was full of homework, Pirate football, friends, possums [we have one hanging out on our porch every night...making it quite frightening to come home anytime after 10pm.] & missing Walker of course.

I also had time this weekend to continue reading Gary Thomas' book Sacred Marriage, and I am so glad for it. I read a chapter about sin that really challenged me. I have previously blogged about the sin that is exposed during marriage, and loving my husband no matter what sin he struggles with, no matter what problems arise. But what about my own sin being exposed?

"Sometimes what is hard to take in the first years of marriage is not what we find out about our partner, but what we find out about ourselves."

I am tempted to say that 9 times out of 10, if I am having a problem with Walker, it is simply disguised as a problem that I have with myself. I may feel like he isn't giving me enough attention throughout the day, like he's too busy to make time for me. But really, that's me harboring a selfish spirit. Our relationship holds up a mirror to my own sin, and I'm sure our marriage will hold up a mirror too. One of those 10x magnified ones that men use to clip their nose hairs. I am going to see every.little.thing. The question is...once I see my sin glaring back at me, what am I going to do about it?

The obvious answer is; pray. I must pray with a humbled and repentive heart. I must ask Walker's forgiveness, and that he join me in my prayers. Prayers that I may be a woman of positivity, and patience. Prayers that I may resist the temptation to hide my sin behind harsh words and judgements towards him. Another answer, and perhaps a more difficult one, is to ask Walker "Where do you see holiness lacking in my life? Where else is my sin so unattractively protruding?" In other words...I need to ask my husband, straight up, in Godly honesty, to tell me where I lack. But I also need to trust that he will not love me less because of my sin's exposure, but only love me more for my willingness to fix things.

Thats right. Fix things. Now that I'll see my sin for what it really is, I will have to be committed to fixing areas in my life that need work. Again, I can turn to prayer for focus + strength. I can turn to Walker who can keep me accountable. "Fixing" oneself should be an ongoing process. May I follow Paul's words in Philipians 3:13 "...I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead." May I never learn all I can learn about being a great wife, or a great follower of Christ for that matter!

These four words. See. Pray. Ask. Fix. Are all words that call me to action. They call me to intentionally and actively work towards dealing with my sin in a way that would honor God. It is my prayer that I will not see my sin's exposure as embarassing or negative, but as a way to grow closer to God, and closer to Walker.

Courage.In.Commitment.

Someone recently told me, that getting married was "the bravest thing I'd ever do." I don't really consider myself a brave person. I've never enjoyed roller coasters, or climbing tall trees. I get really, really scared if I'm alone in my apartment at night time, and I stand on the furniture if I see any type of insect other than a butterfly. I don't usually stray too far from the sidewalk--as Kelly Clarkson would say.

I got to thinking. There really is something brave, something courageous, about getting married. A person must be brave to promise to spend the rest of their life with someone, regardless of what wrong-doings are committed, what sins or bad habits are exposed. To stand beside another person through the twists and turns of life, unwavering in love and devotion...that's brave!

I decided to ask myself--how brave am I? Not on a physical level, like do I skydive or bull fight...but how brave am I spiritually? How prepared am I for the battles that arise during a marriage, and the bravery that it takes to fight them? While I don't feel that brave on my own, through Christ I feel the freedom to be fearless. Isaiah 42:6 says "I the Lord have called you in righteousness, and I will hold you by the hand." How reassuring to know that God has called me for a righteous purpose, and that He is right next to me, guiding me by the hand. I am glad to worship a God of proximity.

I get a sense of courage through Walker, also. From now on, we will be combating the trials of life together, side by side--and that is a really comforting feeling. To know that there is someone that will share in joy & pain with me, and be there through both successes and failures...what a joy! I have found such a wonderful companion in Walker Brown. He makes me not only feel brave enough to fight life's battles, but I often find myself saying "Okay Life, whats next? Bring it on. We've got this!"

Though bravery is something I lack much of, it is something I hope to gain in the coming months. Through my relationship with God, and with Walker, may I aquire more courage, and strength. May I fearlessly love, and courageously trust in this righteous purpose I have been called to. May I be a wife who is brave. For God, for her husband, and for her family.  

PS: Speaking of bravery...the pastor of my home church is currently in Ukraine with his wife & their daughter, in hopes of adopting another child. Their journey has been a rocky one thus far, but they have remained strong & focused. Their story is truly one of courage. You can find & follow the Hamlin's blog here.

The.Search.Is.Over.

10.16.2010.
The day I officially said yes to the dress!

I went to Davids Bridal with my Mom + my sister on Saturday and needless to say, this experience was much more enjoyable than the last. With the help of an awesome consultant, Dionne, I tried on 4 dresses and loved all of them! The second dress ended up being "the one." It is simply perfect for me, and for what I invisioned on my wedding day. Its classy and fresh with clean lines, and I plan on adding a homemade embelishment to really make the dress my own. I couldn't be happier and it's all that I can do to not post a link to the dress right here on my blog! But Walker could stumble upon it, which I hear is bad luck...

I also found my bridesmaid dresses, and I'm equally as excited about those! I chose a dress that I know will be comfortable, and I'm certain my girls can wear again. Not to mention the dresses have P O C K E T S. I'm obsessed.

The rest of the weekend was just as exciting. The North Carolina State Fair provided lots of fun [and deep-fried food...] with dear old friends! Speaking of dear friends, one of my oldest friends Graham Jackson proposed to his girlfriend of several years, Courtney! I couldn't be happier for them both! So many awesome couples getting engaged left and right...I couldn't be more excited! I love Love.

Now, after a great weekend at home I am back in Greenville. And Walker is with me! It's so much fun! Except for as I'm trying to type this blog post...he's sitting beside me typing random letters. Men. I have so many more thoughts to reflect on, and I can't wait to satisfy this bloggers itch I've had for the past few days. But tonight--Mrs. Doubtfire is on TV, and my wonderful fiance is sitting right beside me...now how is a bride-to-be supossed to blog under these circumstances?! :)

Compromise.Moves.Us.Along.

The following is an actual exerpt from an actual journal entry that I actually wrote:

February 22, 2009
5:45am 

...Its different with Walker. Different than it's ever been. I don't know how the future will unfold. But it would be pretty wonderful if Walker was in it. He just makes me laugh all the time, and he brings out the best in me. We have so much in common, and the things we don't agree about...I want to compromise, that's my first thought. Talking with him automatically makes my day better--its awesome! I am so thankful and blessed to have him as a friend. I pray God would reign over our friendship and lead it in the way that would honor Him...

It was so sweet to stumble across this. The journal entry kind of jogged my memory, and took me back to when I first started liking Walker. I was brought back to the things I first noticed & loved about him. I was reminded of the newness of our friendship, and the laughter he brings to my life. Not much has changed since then! I have discovered even more things that I love about Walker, and we still laugh--a lot!

I should be honest though and say, that one thing has changed since I wrote that entry. I fear that my willingness to compromise has waned. I still do it! But...do I do it as cheerfully as I did when Walker & I first met? Where has the joy gone that I once found in compromise? After all, it really is a beautiful thing--when two people have different thoughts, but they both care so much about the other that they selflessly & willingly agree to move towards eachother's way of thinking. True, conscious, humbled compromise is rare, and it is sweet.

If compromise is so lovely, why is it so hard for me to do it sometimes? Perhaps I'm not so eager to please Walker anymore? Since I know he isn't "going anywhere." My, that seems like such a rude thought, now that I've just typed it. Or maybe I've gotten so caught up in serving a god of pride that I can't see the joy in serving my fiance by compromising? OR, could it be that both my apathy + pride are viciously working together to strip me of the happiness I find in being agreeable? All of the above.

Well. Needless to say I'm feeling about 2 inches tall right now. God has granted me a spirit of conviction, and I am so grateful. May I work in the coming days & weeks to rediscover the joy that true and selfless compromise brings. Not just in my relationship with Walker, but with everyone I encounter. May I aquire a spirit of quiet & joyful compromise that will honor my husband-to-be, my friends & family, and God.

:::Learn the wisdom of compromise. For it is better to bend a little than to break. --Jane Wells:::

Under.Construction.

:::extreme makeover--blog edition:::

Changing a few things! I have no idea what I'm doing...so please bear with me!

Goodbye.Fall.Break.

Highlights of Fall Break:

• Spending lots of quality time with Walker.
• Leaves: Right on the brink of changing! Saw a good bit of yellow & fiery red.
• Watching the movie Once. [Thanks Dad, for lending us a copy!]  Watch out for profanity, but the music is to.die.for.
• Well-Bred Bakery in downtown Weaverville, NC. Adorable + Affordable. I could stay for hours!
• Finding loads of DIY wedding ideas [ribbon wreaths & quote canvases].
• My Dad & Grandparent’s visit to Mars Hill—they make for the sweetest company.
• Seeing Walker in a tux + listening to his choir concert. How lucky am I that my fiancé has the most perfect tenor voice in the world? Its like verbal milk chocolate.
• Sunday Morning—a sermon about having a spirit of gratitude. A refreshing reminder.

I have to brag on my husband-to-be for a second...as I mentioned in a previous post, Walker was not on Fall Break last week & had to keep up with all his normal responsibilities while I was there. However, amidst the craziness of his week, he did an amazing job at carving out time for us to be together, and still paid me tons of loving attention. Thank you for your [successful] efforts dear, to balance love + work. :)

Next Mon + Tues is Walker's Fall Break, and he's coming to Greenville! I can't wait. Other upcoming events...the North Carolina State Fair & a visit from a dear friend + bridesmaid, Renee Conley! She moved to Indiana this summer and we're all looking forward to her coming home for a few days. Also next weekend, I will continue my search for the perfect dress. Exciting days ahead! :)

Time is flying by...just 256 days left! [just...?] Fall is the perfect time to be engaged...with the season's change has come a renewed excitment & a calm spirit. Heres hoping that these low-stress levels aren't just the product of a relaxing Fall Break!

Pop.Quizzes.

Fall break is here! My first & only Fall Break as an engaged woman, might I add. It feels great to r e l a x, and spend some time with Walker. Unfortunately, our academic schedules never line up...meaning while I'm here, Walker is not on Fall Break & must keep to a semi-normal schedule--class, meetings, homework, etc.

Tonight while he is at a choir rehersal, I've set up camp in a Barnes & Noble down the street. It's made for some pretty great people watching. Anywhere in Asheville makes for some great people watching actually. There are tons of couples here--and I think they're really on to something! What a fun & inexpensive night out. Coffee + dessert + books & magazines galore + big comfy chairs. Sounds like a perfect date night to me!

There is one couple sitting a few tables away that has particularly caught my, uh, ear. [Is this creepy of me? Well perhaps they shouldn't talk so loud.] For the last fifteen minutes, they have been drilling eachother on...themselves. Almost like a "pop-quiz?" Their favorite band, their favorite food, their favorite TV shows...I think they may be on a first date. She keeps twirling her hair & applying lip gloss while he stares at his oversized sk8r boi shoes.

They've got me thinking...how well do I really know Walker? Or perhaps the more convicting question: How well do I really know God? How well do WE really know God, Walker & I as a couple? I came across this quote earlier this week that hits the nail on the head:  

:::A magnificant marriage begins not with knowing one another but with knowing God. --Gary & Betsy Ricucci :::

Knowing eachother is obviously important. Walker & I have spent countless hours discovering things about eachother. But how much MORE important is it for us to know God? To really know Him. To know His mercy & love, but also His judgement. To know & model His kindess, and forgiveness. If we spend more time learning about eachother rather than learning about God...we are missing what the point of marriage really is. It is not a tool to increase our happiness, but a gift to inhance our ministry.

That couple was certainly not wrong to learn about eachother. And I only hope to learn more and more about Walker as we spend the rest of our lives together. But my prayer is that I won't allow myself to fall into the trap of spending more time studying my husband than I spend studying God. May I constantly learn more about each of them, through each of them. I have never liked "pop-quizzes"...but if I were given one on God, or on my husband--may I be the kind of wife that is prepared for both.

Now...off to browse through heavy & expensive bridal magazines that I would never actually buy. Happy Fall Break! :)

The.Search.Begins.

Another weekend has come & gone. My goodness. I remembered today that it has been a whole entire month since Walker & I got engaged! I can't believe that! Time is moving so quickly, and it's a daily challenge for me to force myself to   s l o w   d o w n   and really soak up everything that's happening. I must say, this blog has been a huge help. It requires me to put down my text books, log off Facebook, turn off the TV [which is really difficult tonight because there is a Life marathon on the Discovery Channel!], and reflect on all of this excitement. This blog post isn't so much a reflection, as it is a documentation. A documentation of my search for the perfect wedding dress.

The Search--Part 1:

Did you know that Say Yes To The Dress is the most misleading show about wedding gown shopping ever? It really is. My experience was nothing like on that show! No one's is. Unless you have a $5,000 budget. Or your last name is Kardashian.

I went shopping with my Mom, my sister [& maid-of-honor], and my grandmother. We went to the Burlington Bridal Mart, because we heard it offered the best selection. And that they did! There were over 3,000 dresses in the store...no two the same! However--I soon found out, the wider the selection...the more overwhelming the experience.

First of all. Most, if not all bridal gowns run small. Meaning you must search for dresses that are a size or two larger than your normal dress size. Which makes a bride-to-be feel awesome! Not. Second of all, there were no dressing rooms in this store. You simply went behind a curtain and took your place along the wall-o-brides, all of us changing into & out of gowns at the same time. Sort of like a bride-to-be locker room.

Putting on a wedding dress wasn't as thrilling as I thought it would be. It was actually quite a chore. You have to squeeze, and jerk, and push and pull all at the same time. I quickly learned not to select dresses that lace-up the back. That process will take your breath away. Literally.

After I was finally in a gown, I would go show my family. Which was when I expected myself to start crying and fanning myself while everyone repeated "this is the one. this. is. the one." But as I stood looking at myself in the one mirror that stretched across the entire wall--I realized there were dozens of brides all along the mirror. All the dresses started to blend together and look like the one I was wearing.  It became a very impersonal experience. I didn't feel special. I felt like I was at an audition of sorts, competing for the role of "Bride."

I realize I am not the only one getting married, or the only one looking for a wedding dress. But I didn't expect for the search for my special dress, the dress a girl dreams about her whole life, to be so informal. So, not individualized.

I walked away without a dress, but it was a great learning experience. I discovered what I like, and definitely don't like in a bridal gown. I made some memories with the women in my family that I will have forever! And I met lots of other sweet brides on their quest for a perfect dress.

I'll continue my search soon, and I am so excited! This is the only time in my life I'll ever have a reason to try on wedding gowns--I want to have fun with it! And even though the show is super unrealisitic...all I really want is to say "yes" to the dress! :)