The following is an actual exerpt from an actual journal entry that I actually wrote:
February 22, 2009
5:45am
...Its different with Walker. Different than it's ever been. I don't know how the future will unfold. But it would be pretty wonderful if Walker was in it. He just makes me laugh all the time, and he brings out the best in me. We have so much in common, and the things we don't agree about...I want to compromise, that's my first thought. Talking with him automatically makes my day better--its awesome! I am so thankful and blessed to have him as a friend. I pray God would reign over our friendship and lead it in the way that would honor Him...
It was so sweet to stumble across this. The journal entry kind of jogged my memory, and took me back to when I first started liking Walker. I was brought back to the things I first noticed & loved about him. I was reminded of the newness of our friendship, and the laughter he brings to my life. Not much has changed since then! I have discovered even more things that I love about Walker, and we still laugh--a lot!
I should be honest though and say, that one thing has changed since I wrote that entry. I fear that my willingness to compromise has waned. I still do it! But...do I do it as cheerfully as I did when Walker & I first met? Where has the joy gone that I once found in compromise? After all, it really is a beautiful thing--when two people have different thoughts, but they both care so much about the other that they selflessly & willingly agree to move towards eachother's way of thinking. True, conscious, humbled compromise is rare, and it is sweet.
If compromise is so lovely, why is it so hard for me to do it sometimes? Perhaps I'm not so eager to please Walker anymore? Since I know he isn't "going anywhere." My, that seems like such a rude thought, now that I've just typed it. Or maybe I've gotten so caught up in serving a god of pride that I can't see the joy in serving my fiance by compromising? OR, could it be that both my apathy + pride are viciously working together to strip me of the happiness I find in being agreeable? All of the above.
Well. Needless to say I'm feeling about 2 inches tall right now. God has granted me a spirit of conviction, and I am so grateful. May I work in the coming days & weeks to rediscover the joy that true and selfless compromise brings. Not just in my relationship with Walker, but with everyone I encounter. May I aquire a spirit of quiet & joyful compromise that will honor my husband-to-be, my friends & family, and God.
:::Learn the wisdom of compromise. For it is better to bend a little than to break. --Jane Wells:::
No comments:
Post a Comment