Where do the weekends go? Seriously. This one was full of homework, Pirate football, friends, possums [we have one hanging out on our porch every night...making it quite frightening to come home anytime after 10pm.] & missing Walker of course.
I also had time this weekend to continue reading Gary Thomas' book Sacred Marriage, and I am so glad for it. I read a chapter about sin that really challenged me. I have previously blogged about the sin that is exposed during marriage, and loving my husband no matter what sin he struggles with, no matter what problems arise. But what about my own sin being exposed?
"Sometimes what is hard to take in the first years of marriage is not what we find out about our partner, but what we find out about ourselves."
I am tempted to say that 9 times out of 10, if I am having a problem with Walker, it is simply disguised as a problem that I have with myself. I may feel like he isn't giving me enough attention throughout the day, like he's too busy to make time for me. But really, that's me harboring a selfish spirit. Our relationship holds up a mirror to my own sin, and I'm sure our marriage will hold up a mirror too. One of those 10x magnified ones that men use to clip their nose hairs. I am going to see every.little.thing. The question is...once I see my sin glaring back at me, what am I going to do about it?
The obvious answer is; pray. I must pray with a humbled and repentive heart. I must ask Walker's forgiveness, and that he join me in my prayers. Prayers that I may be a woman of positivity, and patience. Prayers that I may resist the temptation to hide my sin behind harsh words and judgements towards him. Another answer, and perhaps a more difficult one, is to ask Walker "Where do you see holiness lacking in my life? Where else is my sin so unattractively protruding?" In other words...I need to ask my husband, straight up, in Godly honesty, to tell me where I lack. But I also need to trust that he will not love me less because of my sin's exposure, but only love me more for my willingness to fix things.
Thats right. Fix things. Now that I'll see my sin for what it really is, I will have to be committed to fixing areas in my life that need work. Again, I can turn to prayer for focus + strength. I can turn to Walker who can keep me accountable. "Fixing" oneself should be an ongoing process. May I follow Paul's words in Philipians 3:13 "...I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead." May I never learn all I can learn about being a great wife, or a great follower of Christ for that matter!
These four words. See. Pray. Ask. Fix. Are all words that call me to action. They call me to intentionally and actively work towards dealing with my sin in a way that would honor God. It is my prayer that I will not see my sin's exposure as embarassing or negative, but as a way to grow closer to God, and closer to Walker.
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