Trials.&.Triumphs.

At last! Time to sit in the quietness of an empty apartment and blog. Writing these entries has really become therapeutic for me. It's a great way to help me minimize my stress levels, and really figure out what's going on in this engaged head of mine. Speaking of stress levels...mine were impressively low until yesterday, when I created that darn wedding website.

Theknot.com does this [seemingly] cute little thing where they give you a check list that tells you everything you should have done by the end of each month leading up to your wedding. Today I discovered I have 342 items left to complete. 54 of those are classified as "overdue." 342 items?! If I chose one task per day to complete, I would finish the check list 108 days AFTER my wedding. And what good would that do me?

I'm stressing myself out all over again just typing this post.

After seeing all those numbers, I was feeling way behind, and way defeated. I felt like, if this is my own wedding, how am I letting it slip so out of my control? I mean, 54 "overdue" items? I thought I was right on track! Walker says theknot.com is just over excessive in what they expect of brides, and that there couldn't possibly be that many things to be behind on. I hope he's right.

My blog's subtitle reads "trials & triumphs of a bride-to-be." The stress put on me by that silly little check list has definitely been a trial for me. Our society has formed its own ideas about what weddings should be, and how they should be planned. Balancing those ideas--and my own unique ideas about planning this day, and what it should symbolize...is quite a task.

Thankfully, where God provided a trial--He also provided a triumph. Something I really struggle with in my relationship with Walker is patience. Sometimes its hard for me to be patient while I tag along to his church events, fundraiser lunches, choir rehearsals, and youth lock-ins. I get caught up in believing that just because I've driven 5.5 hours to see him, that all his time should be devoted to me.

As I've already written about, this past weekend I knew way ahead of time that my visit to Walkers would be jam packed with his work-related activities. I immediately began praying for patience, and that God would change my heart. I know that me growing impatient with Walker's obligations is nothing more than me serving a false god of selfishness. Over the weekend, I saw God answer my prayers in the most wonderful way. I saw Him equip me with patience and humility, which allowed me to serve both Him and Walker with genuine positivity and energy.

This made our weekend together SO much more enjoyable. I was able to identify with Walker and some of his sources of stress, and joy. And it made me that much more excited to marry Walker and take on his ministry with the Weaverville youth as my own. Experiencing a trial and a triumph so close together has proved the grace and provision of Christ, and I am so grateful to walk near to Him through this time of transition. I know one thing I can continually check off my planning list. Grow closer to my Creator during engagement: check.