Less than 5 months left before Walker & I tie our lil knot. [We're gonna tie it tight, too. Just so ya know. Like a sailors knot or something. For better, for worse!] The time is passing much quicker than I thought it would, which I am thankful for! However, I must admit that the closer we get to our Big Day...the more scared I am beginning to feel.
Don't misunderstand what I'm saying here. What I'm feeling is not the "I'm 5 months away from making a decision that I'm not sure of" kind of scared. Oh no never! But the "I'm 5 months away from marrying the most treasured gift God has ever given me. And this is going to completely flip our little lives upside down"...kind of scared.
I suppose my biggest fear is that I won't be prepared enough. What does spiritual readiness for marriage even look like? A pure heart. A desire to serve. A spirit of humility. An attitude of prayer. These are just a few things that come to mind. And...that's a pretty tall, intimidating order. I feel so far away from those ideas. But the one I have been most recently convicted about is acquiring an attitude of prayer.
My prayer life has gone through obvious ups and downs since I became a believer at age 7. Ive prayed outlandishly selfish, shallow prayers. And I've prayed humble, sincere and authentic prayers that came from the deepest caverns of my soul. I've prayed while crying. I've prayed while laughing. I've gone through seasons of life where I literally couldn't go 60 seconds without crying out to God. And I've gone through seasons where I went weeks without uttering a word to Him. I've known the comforting quietness that comes with praying alone. And thanks be to God, I've known the sweet joy that comes from praying with true friends.
I've figured out that developing an attitude of prayer is more than simply praying. An attitude is one's mind set. Their character and demeanor. Their reaction and routine. An attitude is a persons default setting when any event, big or small, occurs. How awesome would it be to have a true attitude of prayer? For your honest reaction to any and all situations to be: P R A Y E R. To fall into the glorious routine of praying all the time? I want that. So badly. More than I want a pair of yellow corduroy Toms.
Would you saying praying for an attitude of prayer is redundant? Probably. But that is exactly what I'm going to do. I want to bathe the next 5 months, or, 145 days [eeek!] in prayer. I want to pray in the most earnest, authentic way I know how, for Walker, and our marriage, and our ministry together. I want to be a wife who's first reaction: prayer. Who's mindset is: prayer. Who's character is defined by: prayer. I want to acquire an attitude of prayer. I will end with this verse that gives me encouragement, and hope.
***This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him. --1 John 5:14-15
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
A.Beautiful.Break.
The inevitable has arrived. My last night at home.
This has been one of my favorite Christmas Breaks ever. Obviously, I love every Christmas Break for obvious reasons. No class/work. Family. Old friends. Homemade meals on a regular basis. Its warm, homey, familiar bliss for like, a month. Nothing compares, ya know? But this particular break was especially enjoyable. Maybe its because I'm engaged--and therefore happy all the time? I mean these days, I could step barefoot on a rusty nail and claim it was the most magical moment of my life. Everything is wonderful and beautiful. In my head, I live in the Enchanted Forest of Engagement. And I'm the princess of it. And there are these little fairies that work for me, except for they only have one job...to stare at my ring all day and all night.
Um. Anyways.
Whatever the reason--this Christmas Break has been pretty close to perfection. I saw so many of my favorite people. And did so many of my favorite things. I went to so many of my favorite places. I've just completely fallen in love with this break! I've fallen in love with what I've seen. With what I've heard. With what I've learned. With what I've lived.
These days were good for my soul. And I've come to this conclusion: Life, in general, becomes more exiting.fun.livable. when you let yourself fall in love with things. When you let yourself have favorites. I have a favorite everything, and I must say...its the best feeling in the world. When I see my favorite color. Or hear my favorite musician. Or eat at my favorite restaurant. Or hear my favorite hymn. You just get extra excited and your stomach kind of bubbles up. I pity the soul who is too "indecisive" [read: boring] to fall in love with normal things.
To allow yourself the simple luxury of emotionally attaching yourself to commonplace things is...refreshingly joyous.
I suppose this blog entry has served two purposes. 1) It has exposed the reason behind the dreaminess of my Christmas Break. And 2) It has reminded me of the excitement and joy that can be found in the little things. I think any bride-to-be would agree that if only there was more happiness found in the trivial details...the whole process of planning a wedding would be much less stressful + frustrating.
Less than 6 months to go now, you know! And in these months...I plan on falling head over heels in love with the little things.
This has been one of my favorite Christmas Breaks ever. Obviously, I love every Christmas Break for obvious reasons. No class/work. Family. Old friends. Homemade meals on a regular basis. Its warm, homey, familiar bliss for like, a month. Nothing compares, ya know? But this particular break was especially enjoyable. Maybe its because I'm engaged--and therefore happy all the time? I mean these days, I could step barefoot on a rusty nail and claim it was the most magical moment of my life. Everything is wonderful and beautiful. In my head, I live in the Enchanted Forest of Engagement. And I'm the princess of it. And there are these little fairies that work for me, except for they only have one job...to stare at my ring all day and all night.
Um. Anyways.
Whatever the reason--this Christmas Break has been pretty close to perfection. I saw so many of my favorite people. And did so many of my favorite things. I went to so many of my favorite places. I've just completely fallen in love with this break! I've fallen in love with what I've seen. With what I've heard. With what I've learned. With what I've lived.
These days were good for my soul. And I've come to this conclusion: Life, in general, becomes more exiting.fun.livable. when you let yourself fall in love with things. When you let yourself have favorites. I have a favorite everything, and I must say...its the best feeling in the world. When I see my favorite color. Or hear my favorite musician. Or eat at my favorite restaurant. Or hear my favorite hymn. You just get extra excited and your stomach kind of bubbles up. I pity the soul who is too "indecisive" [read: boring] to fall in love with normal things.
To allow yourself the simple luxury of emotionally attaching yourself to commonplace things is...refreshingly joyous.
I suppose this blog entry has served two purposes. 1) It has exposed the reason behind the dreaminess of my Christmas Break. And 2) It has reminded me of the excitement and joy that can be found in the little things. I think any bride-to-be would agree that if only there was more happiness found in the trivial details...the whole process of planning a wedding would be much less stressful + frustrating.
Less than 6 months to go now, you know! And in these months...I plan on falling head over heels in love with the little things.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
11.Things.For.2011.
Wow. I haven't blogged since last year! Obviously my perfect plan of a 3 part blog series never did fully turn into a reality. I don't want to push [Part3] completely aside though. Without going into mushy, sentimental detail...I can say this about my hopes for Christmas Future:::It will include Walker, and watching our new marriage turn into a lasting partnership & ministry. It will include the joy of seeing our family grow and grow and grow some more. It will include laughter, and joy, and tradition, and lots of love. Well. I think thats sappy enough for now. [Although I do mean it, every word!]
Now, as 2011 begins, I want to simply document 11 things that are at the forefront of my mind tonight. Thoughts. Questions. Ideas. Opinions. Just things.
1) This is the year of my wedding!
2) As exciting as that is...I don't want my wedding to define this year. Does that make sense? Its one day. One very important day, mind you. But I've got 364 other days. And if I would be half as excited & intentional about any of those days as I am about June 25th, then THAT would make 2011 a year worth being proud of.
3) My New Years Resolutions are as follows: Drink water more. Go to Target less. Floss every day. Read The Bible. [I found an online plan where you can read 25 days out of the month, and then you get 5 days to be a slacker if you need to. [Thats what I'm talkin' about!]
4) 2011 is a year of questions, for me. I know some things that need to happen in my life this year. But I don't have the slightest clue how those things will come to be. I've decided that instead of constantly searching for answers, I'll just try and know The One who has all the answers more.
5) I ordered my save-the-dates! Our registry is complete! Engagement pictures are in! This Christmas Break marked the switch from talking about doing & planning & ordering & buying...to actually doing all those things. Which is exciting! Not stressful. Not at all. At least thats what I chant inwardly to myself several times a day.
6) Did I mention we registered? I daydream about my china pattern. Seriously. And a yellow, actually...buttercup *swoon* KitchenAid mixer. Which my father thought fit to deem "unnecessary." Well. See if he gets any of my cupcakes.
7) I officially stopped going to the pediatrician and am now going to a "grown up" doctor. I had my very first appointment just this morning! It was frightening and emotionally taxing, to say the least. No one smiles in there and it smells like needles. I plan on never going back. Plus, they didn't have one single copy of Highlights in the waiting room.
8) Another big step: I got an iPod! Nine years after the rest of mankind...
9) "Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” --Lamentations 3:22-24. I want to start learning/keep learning what it really means to wait on the Lord.
10) A new thought has just formed in my head. Instead of "the year of my wedding"...I think 2011 shall be "the year of waiting." May I find this year, that waiting is a good thing. In waiting comes learning, and joy, and wisdom. May I do more than just wait on my wedding...may I wait on/for/with God.
11) I promised myself I wouldn't blog after midnight. But here I am, awake to see 1am. I think I'll end this entry before I type anything I could regret...but how exciting to post my first blog of the new year! I guess I should add one last simple goal to my list of resolutions:::Blog. More. :)
Now, as 2011 begins, I want to simply document 11 things that are at the forefront of my mind tonight. Thoughts. Questions. Ideas. Opinions. Just things.
1) This is the year of my wedding!
2) As exciting as that is...I don't want my wedding to define this year. Does that make sense? Its one day. One very important day, mind you. But I've got 364 other days. And if I would be half as excited & intentional about any of those days as I am about June 25th, then THAT would make 2011 a year worth being proud of.
3) My New Years Resolutions are as follows: Drink water more. Go to Target less. Floss every day. Read The Bible. [I found an online plan where you can read 25 days out of the month, and then you get 5 days to be a slacker if you need to. [Thats what I'm talkin' about!]
4) 2011 is a year of questions, for me. I know some things that need to happen in my life this year. But I don't have the slightest clue how those things will come to be. I've decided that instead of constantly searching for answers, I'll just try and know The One who has all the answers more.
5) I ordered my save-the-dates! Our registry is complete! Engagement pictures are in! This Christmas Break marked the switch from talking about doing & planning & ordering & buying...to actually doing all those things. Which is exciting! Not stressful. Not at all. At least thats what I chant inwardly to myself several times a day.
6) Did I mention we registered? I daydream about my china pattern. Seriously. And a yellow, actually...buttercup *swoon* KitchenAid mixer. Which my father thought fit to deem "unnecessary." Well. See if he gets any of my cupcakes.
7) I officially stopped going to the pediatrician and am now going to a "grown up" doctor. I had my very first appointment just this morning! It was frightening and emotionally taxing, to say the least. No one smiles in there and it smells like needles. I plan on never going back. Plus, they didn't have one single copy of Highlights in the waiting room.
8) Another big step: I got an iPod! Nine years after the rest of mankind...
9) "Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” --Lamentations 3:22-24. I want to start learning/keep learning what it really means to wait on the Lord.
10) A new thought has just formed in my head. Instead of "the year of my wedding"...I think 2011 shall be "the year of waiting." May I find this year, that waiting is a good thing. In waiting comes learning, and joy, and wisdom. May I do more than just wait on my wedding...may I wait on/for/with God.
11) I promised myself I wouldn't blog after midnight. But here I am, awake to see 1am. I think I'll end this entry before I type anything I could regret...but how exciting to post my first blog of the new year! I guess I should add one last simple goal to my list of resolutions:::Blog. More. :)
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