An.Attitude.of.Prayer.

Less than 5 months left before Walker & I tie our lil knot. [We're gonna tie it tight, too. Just so ya know. Like a sailors knot or something. For better, for worse!] The time is passing much quicker than I thought it would, which I am thankful for! However, I must admit that the closer we get to our Big Day...the more scared I am beginning to feel.

Don't misunderstand what I'm saying here. What I'm feeling is not the "I'm 5 months away from making a decision that I'm not sure of" kind of scared. Oh no never! But the "I'm 5 months away from marrying the most treasured gift God has ever given me. And this is going to completely flip our little lives upside down"...kind of scared.

I suppose my biggest fear is that I won't be prepared enough. What does spiritual readiness for marriage even look like? A pure heart. A desire to serve. A spirit of humility. An attitude of prayer. These are just a few things that come to mind. And...that's a pretty tall, intimidating order. I feel so far away from those ideas. But the one I have been most recently convicted about is acquiring an attitude of prayer.

My prayer life has gone through obvious ups and downs since I became a believer at age 7. Ive prayed outlandishly selfish, shallow prayers. And I've prayed humble, sincere and authentic prayers that came from the deepest caverns of my soul. I've prayed while crying. I've prayed while laughing. I've gone through seasons of life where I literally couldn't go 60 seconds without crying out to God. And I've gone through seasons where I went weeks without uttering a word to Him. I've known the comforting quietness that comes with praying alone. And thanks be to God, I've known the sweet joy that comes from praying with true friends.

I've figured out that developing an attitude of prayer is more than simply praying. An attitude is one's mind set. Their character and demeanor. Their reaction and routine. An attitude is a persons default setting when any event, big or small, occurs. How awesome would it be to have a true attitude of prayer? For your honest reaction to any and all situations to be: P R A Y E R. To fall into the glorious routine of praying all the time? I want that. So badly. More than I want a pair of yellow corduroy Toms.

Would you saying praying for an attitude of prayer is redundant? Probably. But that is exactly what I'm going to do. I want to bathe the next 5 months, or, 145 days [eeek!] in prayer. I want to pray in the most earnest, authentic way I know how, for Walker, and our marriage, and our ministry together. I want to be a wife who's first reaction: prayer. Who's mindset is: prayer. Who's character is defined by: prayer. I want to acquire an attitude of prayer. I will end with this verse that gives me encouragement, and hope.

***This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him. --1 John 5:14-15