Tonight I blog for two reasons. 1) I have a paper due tomorrow and I don't feel like finishing it. Or starting it, really. And 2) I am craving Peppermints like you would not believe. I'm thinking that if I put my mind on something else, the paper will write itself & I'll kick this craving. Here's hopin'.
Today I cannot shake the feeling that my soul is in need of a good, deep breath of fresh air. All day long I've felt like my heart was full of stale, day-old, used-up love & grace & energy & every other ingredient that I need to live a day to it's fullest. I've been trying to figure out :::why::: I feel so stale inside. I can only come up with one reason. Lately my soul has felt so pressed down & pestered by questions + doubts + lies + false hopes...that I have completely neglected it's need for freshness & resurgence.
These peeves that plague my heart deal with things like:::my future.my job.my body.my friends & family. So many unknowns & can't dos & what ifs, reeling through my mind all day. But tonight God has given me the strength to turn all of those into:::What if the things that Christ can do with a humble & fresh heart, are untold & unknown.
I have realized that for weeks, I've been taking gulps of this stale air & filling my soul up with it, thinking it will be sufficient. Thinking it's enough to keep me spiritually alive. But breathing this used-up air is not what I am called to. And it's not what I'm worth. I am ready to begin again breathing the fresh, clean air that Christ has made available to us all.
But what does that look like? I really can't imagine tonight, as helpless as that sounds. I feel like I'm stuck in this dark dungeon that doesn't have any room for fresh air. But this dungeon of stale air is not my home. It's not where I belong. I know I have a spot in His meadow. Frolicking in fresh grass & breathing fresh air & singing fresh songs of His goodness. I have been there before, and I will get back there again. But just for tonight...I fight in the dungeon.
I feel really self conscious and see-through as I write this tonight. And I can't help but wonder if this even makes sense to anyone? Am I alone? Those questions aren't rhetorical by the way...it would be such an encouragement to know. Are you breathing fresh meadow air tonight? Or are you falsely imprisoned, like me, in a dungeon depriving us of the fresh, sweet, true air that we long for? Wherever you find yourself...please, pray for me and I'll pray for you. And soon we will all be fresh air breathers!
Oh yeah, in case you were wondering...my paper is still undone, & my craving for Peppermints is stronger than ever. Oh bless.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Monday.FUNday.
To start this post...a few pictures from Easter Weekend:::
This weekend Walker & I were in Winston, and we got the rare and awesome opportunity to spend time with some Brown family friends, the Goodins & the Troyers [in town all the way from Canada!]. Friday evening the Goodins [Jordan is a groomsman in our wedding] opened up their home to all of us and we spent the afternoon playing with lil Benjamin & Christopher [the Troyer boys] and of course the other baby boy of the house...Sampson! We watched Tangled, which I :::loved::: with every fiber of my being, and the whole time I was surrounded by babies & puppies & my sweet fiance. If you know me at all, you know I was in heaven.heaven.heaven! Oh yeah...and I was wrapped up in a Snuggie. Again. Heaven.
Other top-notch moments from the weekend::: Pre-marital counseling. It's always encouraging to dig deep into our relationship! Each session makes us more and more excited not for our wedding, but our marriage. African Cats. I begged Walker to take me, and he [semi]happily obliged! I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. Walker...not so much. But it was so fun to spend that time together! And the baby cheetah cubs are a-door-a-bull. Easter Sunday. A great service at my home church, and lots of family bonding as we prepared Easter lunch together that afternoon.
This week is already proving to be a good one! On account of right now I am watching Dancing With The Stars and 1) Hanson is performing LIVE. I feel like a 4th grader again. And 2) My favorite couple just received a 10 from the judges! I realize that those are silly reasons to attribute to a good week. And I also realize that I am embarrassingly invested in this show. But I don't even care at this point. I have no shame! Another thing I have no shame over is my obsession with the Royal Wedding! Which is this Friday. My love for Will & Kate & all things royal cannot be repressed. I've tried! Is that lame? Don't answer that.
Saturday will bring my 2nd bridal shower, thrown by the sweet ladies at my home church. I am so so so looking forward to that! Lots of family, + friends that are family in every sense, all together for a wonderful time of celebration & fellowship. Needless to say, these days I am definitely living for the weekends! And Mondays. And Fridays. :) This was a bit of a hodgepodge of a post...but thanks for reading! And I hope your week is off to as lovely of a start as mine!
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| How cute is my new puppy nephew, Sampson? I could eat.him.up. |
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| Walks & I! Thanks for a sweet weekend dear! :) |
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| 3 generations on Easter Sunday |
Other top-notch moments from the weekend::: Pre-marital counseling. It's always encouraging to dig deep into our relationship! Each session makes us more and more excited not for our wedding, but our marriage. African Cats. I begged Walker to take me, and he [semi]happily obliged! I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. Walker...not so much. But it was so fun to spend that time together! And the baby cheetah cubs are a-door-a-bull. Easter Sunday. A great service at my home church, and lots of family bonding as we prepared Easter lunch together that afternoon.
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| Can I register for one of these lil guys? |
Saturday will bring my 2nd bridal shower, thrown by the sweet ladies at my home church. I am so so so looking forward to that! Lots of family, + friends that are family in every sense, all together for a wonderful time of celebration & fellowship. Needless to say, these days I am definitely living for the weekends! And Mondays. And Fridays. :) This was a bit of a hodgepodge of a post...but thanks for reading! And I hope your week is off to as lovely of a start as mine!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Rolling.Stones.
Happy Easter, everyone! He is risen! So so so thankful & humbled. I hope you are too! Just a few thoughts I want to share as this day of celebration comes to a close...
"On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they
had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus." --Luke 24:1-3
This year, that is my favorite part of the Easter Story.
They found the stone rolled away from the tomb.
I cannot imagine what a sight that must have been! That one action. That one rolling away of the stone, conveys what a monumental victory that Christ has won for us all. And one thing God has graciously taught me this Easter season...is that He is still very much in the business of rolling away stones.
We all have them. Life's heavy boulders that keep us from feeling victorious. Finances. Disease. Broken relationships. They come in all shapes & sizes. But they're still big. And heavy. And impossible to roll away on our own.
God is rolling stones every day in this world. He is healing. And restoring. And showing mercy & love like only He can. It is my earnest prayer that when the stones of this life arise in mine & Walker's marriage...that we will be granted the faith and patience to wait on God to roll them away.
This lesson has come at such an encouraging time, as we struggle with our big "stone" right now, finding a place to live. It has taken so much out of me, emotionally & spiritually, to wait & wait & wait. [Okay...more like worry & worry & worry.] Bless Walker for dealing with my emotional unpredictability. Which I bet you he would say was his stone these days... ;)
But seriously. This weight and heaviness, this worry I can't seem to shake, has really become an issue dealing with my faith. I don't have enough of it. Which makes me feel embarrassed, angry, and for lack of a bigger vocabulary...like a not very good Christian. But When Christ reveals to me things like this, at times like this, I am restored. I am humbled. I "get it" again. It is such a beautiful thing. My heart is blooming like a tulip tonight.
I am so grateful for the timing of God's teaching. His constant knowing of my needs, even those that are quieted & stifled deep inside my soul, amazes me. Today has been a wonderful day of celebration, and has served as a reminder that He is the truest teacher. The risen redeemer. And, oh joy! The roller away of stones.
"On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they
had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus." --Luke 24:1-3
This year, that is my favorite part of the Easter Story.
They found the stone rolled away from the tomb.
I cannot imagine what a sight that must have been! That one action. That one rolling away of the stone, conveys what a monumental victory that Christ has won for us all. And one thing God has graciously taught me this Easter season...is that He is still very much in the business of rolling away stones.
We all have them. Life's heavy boulders that keep us from feeling victorious. Finances. Disease. Broken relationships. They come in all shapes & sizes. But they're still big. And heavy. And impossible to roll away on our own.
God is rolling stones every day in this world. He is healing. And restoring. And showing mercy & love like only He can. It is my earnest prayer that when the stones of this life arise in mine & Walker's marriage...that we will be granted the faith and patience to wait on God to roll them away.
This lesson has come at such an encouraging time, as we struggle with our big "stone" right now, finding a place to live. It has taken so much out of me, emotionally & spiritually, to wait & wait & wait. [Okay...more like worry & worry & worry.] Bless Walker for dealing with my emotional unpredictability. Which I bet you he would say was his stone these days... ;)
But seriously. This weight and heaviness, this worry I can't seem to shake, has really become an issue dealing with my faith. I don't have enough of it. Which makes me feel embarrassed, angry, and for lack of a bigger vocabulary...like a not very good Christian. But When Christ reveals to me things like this, at times like this, I am restored. I am humbled. I "get it" again. It is such a beautiful thing. My heart is blooming like a tulip tonight.
I am so grateful for the timing of God's teaching. His constant knowing of my needs, even those that are quieted & stifled deep inside my soul, amazes me. Today has been a wonderful day of celebration, and has served as a reminder that He is the truest teacher. The risen redeemer. And, oh joy! The roller away of stones.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tuesday.Tidbits.
Halfway through this 4day week! Some random highlights/thoughts on this pretty pretty Tuesday:::
Remember how my little sister is in California for Spring Break? Remember how she saw Kris, Kylie, & Kendall Jenner out shopping? Well see if you can spot her in this paparazzi pic...
That's her! On the right in her precious lil maxi dress! Can you believe that? She's practically famous, you know?! I want to frame this. So fun!
In the world of wedding news::: Walker & I have decided we're having a joint Bachelor/Bachelorette party...a weekend at the beach! We don't have all the details yet, but we're really looking forward to it! A joint party may seem a bit unconventional, but we think it'll be a blast! Especially at the beach--Golf for the guys. Shopping for the girls. And lots of sun + seafood together!
In the world of [royal] wedding news::: 10 days to go! I feel like such a goober for being so invested in this fairytale affair...but I am for real excited. The wedding coverage starts at 9am...London time. That's like, 4am our time. Will I be awake to watch the complete coverage? UM. Does Kate Middleton have the shiniest hair I have ever seen? YEP.
In the word of nesting news::: Umm we still have no nest. How's that for news? But Walker & I know that we serve a God of provision, and we know He will provide the perfect place. Just like He is currently providing us with patience.patience.& more patience. While it's not tons of fun living with this big piece of our puzzle missing...it is a good feeling to see little lessons in obedience & trust manifest themselves in our situation, almost daily! Another bit of nesting news::: I found this blog post super encouraging for whenever we do find our perfect spot!
2 more days until another jam packed weekend. This one will include marriage counseling. My in-laws adorable new pup, Sampson. :::Hopefully::: a showing of the new movie African Cats that hits theatres on Earth Day. [Hint, hint, Walker!] And of course, Easter! I'm looking forward every single Spring second of it!
Remember how my little sister is in California for Spring Break? Remember how she saw Kris, Kylie, & Kendall Jenner out shopping? Well see if you can spot her in this paparazzi pic...
That's her! On the right in her precious lil maxi dress! Can you believe that? She's practically famous, you know?! I want to frame this. So fun!
In the world of wedding news::: Walker & I have decided we're having a joint Bachelor/Bachelorette party...a weekend at the beach! We don't have all the details yet, but we're really looking forward to it! A joint party may seem a bit unconventional, but we think it'll be a blast! Especially at the beach--Golf for the guys. Shopping for the girls. And lots of sun + seafood together!
In the world of [royal] wedding news::: 10 days to go! I feel like such a goober for being so invested in this fairytale affair...but I am for real excited. The wedding coverage starts at 9am...London time. That's like, 4am our time. Will I be awake to watch the complete coverage? UM. Does Kate Middleton have the shiniest hair I have ever seen? YEP.
In the word of nesting news::: Umm we still have no nest. How's that for news? But Walker & I know that we serve a God of provision, and we know He will provide the perfect place. Just like He is currently providing us with patience.patience.& more patience. While it's not tons of fun living with this big piece of our puzzle missing...it is a good feeling to see little lessons in obedience & trust manifest themselves in our situation, almost daily! Another bit of nesting news::: I found this blog post super encouraging for whenever we do find our perfect spot!
2 more days until another jam packed weekend. This one will include marriage counseling. My in-laws adorable new pup, Sampson. :::Hopefully::: a showing of the new movie African Cats that hits theatres on Earth Day. [Hint, hint, Walker!] And of course, Easter! I'm looking forward every single Spring second of it!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
4Day.Weekend.
Sigh.
After all that blog construction stuff...I just decided to stick with the blog design I already had. Trying to figure it all out was giving me a headache. I'm sure I was doing something wrong because it certainly can't be that difficult...but for now, I say if it ain't broke dont fix it. But once I'm married my blog will need a new title [any creative ideas?!] so maybe I'll embark on another blog designing journey then.
Just a quick documentation of my awesome 4day weekend...
Thurs:::A bridal shower given by my mothers awesome Bunco Bunch! They seriously outdid themselves. Everything was yellow + grey, AND there was a gorgeous display of yellow cupcakes adorned with...edible.pearls. No, no this is not a joke. They really exist. Or, existed until they were devoured. I fell head over heels in love with those lil guys. So cute. The shower was tons of fun & it meant so much to me. These women have been playing Bunco together for almost 15 years...so they have really watched me grow up, and been there for my family in big ways! Many thanks to all the ladies involved!
Fri:::My little sis left with her bestfriend & her mom for a Spring Break trip to California! I've been getting updates from her all weekend. So far they've indulged in Pinkberry [the orig froyo], visited Venice Beach, Rodeo Drive, AND the Bachelor Mansion. Oh yeah, and they spotted the Jenners on a shopping spree. If you know anything about me or my obsession with the word of Celebrity Gossip...you know that my sister is currently living my dream life. Tomorrow they head to The Ellen Degeneres Show where Tina Fey will be a guest. Again with the living of my dream life. So thrilled for her though!
Friday was also my Nana's official 90th Birthday! She came over & my manly man grilled some steaks for everyone. Nana didn't eat hers though. Shes not so much a fan of eating these days unless you're serving pancakes, chocolate cake, or pre-packaged pecan twirls. Bless her heart.
Sat:::Family officially in town! So great to see all of them. We were all up early making preparations for Nana's big surprise party. You would have thought the Royal Wedding was taking place. The party went so well though! The birthday girl was definitely surprised, and we had a great turn out! So many of our friends & family showed up to help, and we are so thankful for ya'll! It was a great day celebrating the life of our little Nana who we all love so much!
While Saturday was a sweet day, it also showed a sour side with a string of voilent storms that hit Apex & surrounding areas pretty hard. Luckily our home/neighborhood didn't see too much damage, but less than 2 miles down the road was a different story. Pray for quick clean up & healing for those who experienced loss.
[Palm]Sun:::I am in great anticipation for Easter. Had a wonderful service at church, and Nana's birthday celebration continued afterwards with lunch at her fave K&W Cafeteria. The things I do for that woman. Now I'm back in Greenville, gearing up for another week of classes...lots due this week to wrap up the semester! Praying for focus & energy.
I hope everyone had a great weekend, and if you live in the Apex/Raleigh area...I hope you are safe! Here are a few pics! Oh and also, for some reason my spellcheck button isn't working tonight. So if anything is horribly mispelled, and several things probably are, so sorry!
After all that blog construction stuff...I just decided to stick with the blog design I already had. Trying to figure it all out was giving me a headache. I'm sure I was doing something wrong because it certainly can't be that difficult...but for now, I say if it ain't broke dont fix it. But once I'm married my blog will need a new title [any creative ideas?!] so maybe I'll embark on another blog designing journey then.
Just a quick documentation of my awesome 4day weekend...
Thurs:::A bridal shower given by my mothers awesome Bunco Bunch! They seriously outdid themselves. Everything was yellow + grey, AND there was a gorgeous display of yellow cupcakes adorned with...edible.pearls. No, no this is not a joke. They really exist. Or, existed until they were devoured. I fell head over heels in love with those lil guys. So cute. The shower was tons of fun & it meant so much to me. These women have been playing Bunco together for almost 15 years...so they have really watched me grow up, and been there for my family in big ways! Many thanks to all the ladies involved!
Fri:::My little sis left with her bestfriend & her mom for a Spring Break trip to California! I've been getting updates from her all weekend. So far they've indulged in Pinkberry [the orig froyo], visited Venice Beach, Rodeo Drive, AND the Bachelor Mansion. Oh yeah, and they spotted the Jenners on a shopping spree. If you know anything about me or my obsession with the word of Celebrity Gossip...you know that my sister is currently living my dream life. Tomorrow they head to The Ellen Degeneres Show where Tina Fey will be a guest. Again with the living of my dream life. So thrilled for her though!
Friday was also my Nana's official 90th Birthday! She came over & my manly man grilled some steaks for everyone. Nana didn't eat hers though. Shes not so much a fan of eating these days unless you're serving pancakes, chocolate cake, or pre-packaged pecan twirls. Bless her heart.
Sat:::Family officially in town! So great to see all of them. We were all up early making preparations for Nana's big surprise party. You would have thought the Royal Wedding was taking place. The party went so well though! The birthday girl was definitely surprised, and we had a great turn out! So many of our friends & family showed up to help, and we are so thankful for ya'll! It was a great day celebrating the life of our little Nana who we all love so much!
While Saturday was a sweet day, it also showed a sour side with a string of voilent storms that hit Apex & surrounding areas pretty hard. Luckily our home/neighborhood didn't see too much damage, but less than 2 miles down the road was a different story. Pray for quick clean up & healing for those who experienced loss.
[Palm]Sun:::I am in great anticipation for Easter. Had a wonderful service at church, and Nana's birthday celebration continued afterwards with lunch at her fave K&W Cafeteria. The things I do for that woman. Now I'm back in Greenville, gearing up for another week of classes...lots due this week to wrap up the semester! Praying for focus & energy.
I hope everyone had a great weekend, and if you live in the Apex/Raleigh area...I hope you are safe! Here are a few pics! Oh and also, for some reason my spellcheck button isn't working tonight. So if anything is horribly mispelled, and several things probably are, so sorry!
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| The famous cupcake display! How cute? Also love the yellow dress cookies! |
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| Bunco Gals! |
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| The Birthday Girl! She was so preciously surprised! |
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| My sweet man & I. Still waiting on our wedding! :) |
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Under.Construction.
In the process of giving the blog a cute makeover. Except it is way more time consuming and difficult that I ever imagined. But I must finish what I've started...so if you drop by and it looks disgusting, don't worry! I'm on it. Sort of. But this is not coming easily to me and I get frustrated and I don't know what I'm doing so I just quit and come back to it hours later. So really, no telling how long it could look like this.
If you have any blog decorating tips:::Please! Help a sister out! Thanks!
If you have any blog decorating tips:::Please! Help a sister out! Thanks!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Untitled.
I am in no mindset to think of a clever or even relevant title for this post right now. Which, is probably a pretty good sign I should not even be blogging in the first place.
But can I be completely honest right now?
Thank you. Here it goes. I've had an awful day. I mean, really awful. I tried for a while to pretend it wasn't bad. But it was. It's been one of those days where I have felt completely defeated since the moment my feet hit the floor. I've been approximately 7 minutes late to every single place I needed to be today. I've said bad words in my head probably a dozen times. I cried. Twice. And I thought several times about feeding my wedding planning notebook through a paper shredder. I don't even own a paper shredder. But I could have found one if I really wanted to. Because I really don't want to get married today.
Yes. I just said that. I don't want to get married today.
I am overly stressed at this point in my engagement journey, and I want out. Forget napkin colors. And bridesmaid gifts. And reception play lists. Seriously! Today I don't want to do it. Not any of it. Am I being kind of dramatic? I mean, probably. Actually yes. Definitely. But I can't help it! Today has been the biggest trial I have faced during this entire process so far, and as I'm sure you have gathered by now, I am not coping well.
I've thrown every lesson I've learned in the past 6 months right out the window; and it's all because today, my heart played hostess to a random poisonous, negative, apathetic attitude. I have no idea where it even came from. It was just there, spilling it's nasty black awfulness out of my heart when I woke up this morning (an hour late). But I can promise you it is not welcome one bit, and I am kicking it out promptly. So now I'm back at square one. Ready to learn again...what it really means to have an attitude of prayer. What it really means to take pleasure in the little things. What it really means to forgive others. What it really means to not let this wedding consume my life. Because in case you haven't noticed, it totally has.
I feel so small tonight. So helpless, and majorly defeated. I'd like to tie this blog post up in a pretty pink bow and say God has taught me thisthat&theother...but I got nothin'. So, all I can do is hope that those of you who read my blog will keep following, even after this brutally honest, transparent tirade of an entry, and go to bed.
Oh yeah. And rest on this much needed promise from the Father:::Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. --Lamentations 3:22-23
Seriously. New mercies each morning. God is so good to us. Even when our hearts are filled with nasty black crap. I mean stuff. Sorry.
But can I be completely honest right now?
Thank you. Here it goes. I've had an awful day. I mean, really awful. I tried for a while to pretend it wasn't bad. But it was. It's been one of those days where I have felt completely defeated since the moment my feet hit the floor. I've been approximately 7 minutes late to every single place I needed to be today. I've said bad words in my head probably a dozen times. I cried. Twice. And I thought several times about feeding my wedding planning notebook through a paper shredder. I don't even own a paper shredder. But I could have found one if I really wanted to. Because I really don't want to get married today.
Yes. I just said that. I don't want to get married today.
I am overly stressed at this point in my engagement journey, and I want out. Forget napkin colors. And bridesmaid gifts. And reception play lists. Seriously! Today I don't want to do it. Not any of it. Am I being kind of dramatic? I mean, probably. Actually yes. Definitely. But I can't help it! Today has been the biggest trial I have faced during this entire process so far, and as I'm sure you have gathered by now, I am not coping well.
I've thrown every lesson I've learned in the past 6 months right out the window; and it's all because today, my heart played hostess to a random poisonous, negative, apathetic attitude. I have no idea where it even came from. It was just there, spilling it's nasty black awfulness out of my heart when I woke up this morning (an hour late). But I can promise you it is not welcome one bit, and I am kicking it out promptly. So now I'm back at square one. Ready to learn again...what it really means to have an attitude of prayer. What it really means to take pleasure in the little things. What it really means to forgive others. What it really means to not let this wedding consume my life. Because in case you haven't noticed, it totally has.
I feel so small tonight. So helpless, and majorly defeated. I'd like to tie this blog post up in a pretty pink bow and say God has taught me thisthat&theother...but I got nothin'. So, all I can do is hope that those of you who read my blog will keep following, even after this brutally honest, transparent tirade of an entry, and go to bed.
Oh yeah. And rest on this much needed promise from the Father:::Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. --Lamentations 3:22-23
Seriously. New mercies each morning. God is so good to us. Even when our hearts are filled with nasty black crap. I mean stuff. Sorry.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Making.A.Comeback.
Did y'all watch the Masters this year? My Dad is a huge golf guy, and Walker is a big sports fan in general, so while I didn't tune in, I heard a good bit about it. And let me just say, I am NOT a golf lover. I can never keep an eye on the dang ball! Its like, microscopic. I mean, it just disappears into the sky, and people automatically know to either clap or moan? It is such a mystery to me. One I don't plan on wasting any time solving. Anyways, most of what I heard about this year's tournament dealt with Tiger Woods, and his long awaited comeback.
Oh and by the way...did you hear? Tiger is changing his first name to Cheetah? Ha ha ha. Couldn't resist.
I am not a fan of the Tigs. Not one bit. But in our conversations over the past few days, Walker has been saying again and again how badly he wants Tiger to do well, to come back. My initial reaction was, of course, that my fiancé is um...crazy. But then he gave this humbling, home-hitting, honest explanation that left me feeling pretty convicted. Walker explained that he really enjoys seeing people, "normal" or famous, come back from adversity.
Our conversation begged the question, could I say the same about myself? I mean sure I forgive Tiger Woods, but am I really rooting for him to succeed? Sadly, no. Or an ex-boyfriend...do I forgive him for things that went wrong? Sure! But do I also secretly hope the next girl he dates realizes what a dud he really is and kicks him to the curb? Sadly, yes. #sincewebeinghonest.
I began to think about the dark, helpless circle of doom that would be my life...if my friends, my family, and especially God, defined forgiveness the way that I sometimes do. I have learned that the most effective forgiveness is a two step process, and it is an attitude. Christ does not simply forgive me for what I've done wrong. He actively roots for me to rebound by giving me opportunities to succeed. Thankfully, I have surrounded myself with people who are such a beautiful reflection of God, and they do the same thing. Forgiveness from them not only means the past is put behind us, but they take it one step farther and encourage me to keep on the narrow road.
This realization has come at just the perfect time! I am so grateful for Walker, and the way he points me to Christ without even knowing it. Learning what it means to go "one step past forgiveness" will certainly help us in our new marriage. It is such an encouragement as this new week begins to know that Christ is undoubtedly rooting for me to always make my own spiritual comeback. With all that I've learned from one little golf tournament, I may just be tuning in more often!
"Who is a God like You, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea." --Micah 7:18-19
Oh and by the way...did you hear? Tiger is changing his first name to Cheetah? Ha ha ha. Couldn't resist.
I am not a fan of the Tigs. Not one bit. But in our conversations over the past few days, Walker has been saying again and again how badly he wants Tiger to do well, to come back. My initial reaction was, of course, that my fiancé is um...crazy. But then he gave this humbling, home-hitting, honest explanation that left me feeling pretty convicted. Walker explained that he really enjoys seeing people, "normal" or famous, come back from adversity.
Our conversation begged the question, could I say the same about myself? I mean sure I forgive Tiger Woods, but am I really rooting for him to succeed? Sadly, no. Or an ex-boyfriend...do I forgive him for things that went wrong? Sure! But do I also secretly hope the next girl he dates realizes what a dud he really is and kicks him to the curb? Sadly, yes. #sincewebeinghonest.
I began to think about the dark, helpless circle of doom that would be my life...if my friends, my family, and especially God, defined forgiveness the way that I sometimes do. I have learned that the most effective forgiveness is a two step process, and it is an attitude. Christ does not simply forgive me for what I've done wrong. He actively roots for me to rebound by giving me opportunities to succeed. Thankfully, I have surrounded myself with people who are such a beautiful reflection of God, and they do the same thing. Forgiveness from them not only means the past is put behind us, but they take it one step farther and encourage me to keep on the narrow road.
This realization has come at just the perfect time! I am so grateful for Walker, and the way he points me to Christ without even knowing it. Learning what it means to go "one step past forgiveness" will certainly help us in our new marriage. It is such an encouragement as this new week begins to know that Christ is undoubtedly rooting for me to always make my own spiritual comeback. With all that I've learned from one little golf tournament, I may just be tuning in more often!
"Who is a God like You, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea." --Micah 7:18-19
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Abundant.Life.
"...I come that they may have life, and have it abundantly." --John 10:10
I most definitely experienced abundant life over the past few days, without a doubt! My weekend was chock full of awesome life memories, including our family's first year at the MS Walk, where we formed a team with some good friends from our Fairview Family in support of my Mom, who was diagnosed about 13 years ago. Despite the cold, windy, drizzly weather...we had a blast! It was a great time of fellowship & encouragement with great friends that are so special to us!
This weekend was also my little sisters Senior Prom! I can't believe she is so grown already, but you know what they say....time is fun when you're having flies! [cheesy joke accredited to my cheesy-joke-loving father-in-law. :)] But really. She is grown up & gorgeous & funny & all things lovely. I am so proud of her! We had a great time taking photos of her & her sweet boyfriend, Ethan...and believe it or not, my Nana's retirement community provided a great place for pictures! Lots of fun, for sure!
Speaking of my sweet Nana...she turns 90 next weekend! Seriously. 90 years old. Ten years less than 100. We are having a surprise party for her! I'm not worried about announcing that via my blog because, well, she was born in 1921. She doesn't know what a blog is, or how to read it. But she has no idea and its really cute. Except for the staff at her retirement home advised that we whisper "Surprise!" vs. yelling it, so as not to give her or any of the residents a heart attack. We have several family members coming in from GA that we rarely ever get to see, plus Walker will be in town! We can't wait to celebrate 90 years of her preciousness. Which is sometimes stubbornness, but I mean, that's okay too. My sister and I plan on buying her one of those sparkly Birthday Girl tiaras with pink rhinestones all over it. Fingers crossed we can talk her into wearing it. [I bet she will though, because it would perfectly match her hot pink velour jogging suit that she wears 6 days a week.]
My weekend full of abundant life also came with some abundant life-lessons. God has been at work in my heart this weekend, and I definitely want to share it! I can't seem to put it all into words though, at least not easily. So, I am currently working on that, and will hopefully finish it tomorrow then post! Nothing makes me more excited than to take what is stirring inside my heart, and put it into words that could potentially encourage someone else.
I pray that this week you will experience abundant life & see it & praise the Giver of it! I'll leave you with a few pictures:::
I most definitely experienced abundant life over the past few days, without a doubt! My weekend was chock full of awesome life memories, including our family's first year at the MS Walk, where we formed a team with some good friends from our Fairview Family in support of my Mom, who was diagnosed about 13 years ago. Despite the cold, windy, drizzly weather...we had a blast! It was a great time of fellowship & encouragement with great friends that are so special to us!
This weekend was also my little sisters Senior Prom! I can't believe she is so grown already, but you know what they say....time is fun when you're having flies! [cheesy joke accredited to my cheesy-joke-loving father-in-law. :)] But really. She is grown up & gorgeous & funny & all things lovely. I am so proud of her! We had a great time taking photos of her & her sweet boyfriend, Ethan...and believe it or not, my Nana's retirement community provided a great place for pictures! Lots of fun, for sure!
Speaking of my sweet Nana...she turns 90 next weekend! Seriously. 90 years old. Ten years less than 100. We are having a surprise party for her! I'm not worried about announcing that via my blog because, well, she was born in 1921. She doesn't know what a blog is, or how to read it. But she has no idea and its really cute. Except for the staff at her retirement home advised that we whisper "Surprise!" vs. yelling it, so as not to give her or any of the residents a heart attack. We have several family members coming in from GA that we rarely ever get to see, plus Walker will be in town! We can't wait to celebrate 90 years of her preciousness. Which is sometimes stubbornness, but I mean, that's okay too. My sister and I plan on buying her one of those sparkly Birthday Girl tiaras with pink rhinestones all over it. Fingers crossed we can talk her into wearing it. [I bet she will though, because it would perfectly match her hot pink velour jogging suit that she wears 6 days a week.]
My weekend full of abundant life also came with some abundant life-lessons. God has been at work in my heart this weekend, and I definitely want to share it! I can't seem to put it all into words though, at least not easily. So, I am currently working on that, and will hopefully finish it tomorrow then post! Nothing makes me more excited than to take what is stirring inside my heart, and put it into words that could potentially encourage someone else.
I pray that this week you will experience abundant life & see it & praise the Giver of it! I'll leave you with a few pictures:::
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| Our family at the MS Walk! |
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| Team MaryLou! |
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| Apex Prom Night |
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| Amanda & Ethan |
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Dreary.Day.Diary.
On days like today, I always find myself wishing I enjoyed reading, loved cats, and drank tea. Unfortunately I'm a dog person. And my interest in reading dwindles around page 13 of every book I've ever read, and for the first 18 years of my life, I thought Chai was a Japanese greeting...
By "days like today" I mean the chilly.windy.rainy.dreary kind. Today, Greenville swapped flowers in bloom for clouds of gloom. Well...it wasn't nasty all day--but by the time the sun came out, I was already in my dreary day mindset and I decided to just go with it.
Logically, when I am in my dreary day mindset, I think about dreary day type things. In my mind. And the most dreariest thoughts in my head today include, but are not limited to: 1) I am out of toothpaste. This has literally never happened to me in my whole life. 2) I have to go to the gym. 3) I'm not married to Walker yet. 4) That's probably a good thing. Because we would have nowhere to live. As I drove to work, the dreary thoughts kept comin', when one of those precious James Dobson Focus on the Family moments came on the radio. Dr. Dobson's minute long message addressed Matthew chapter 7, the wise & foolish builders.
In that moment, a peace came over me that I have seldom known. I was given the humbling realization that it doesn't matter one bit what kind of house we live in, but that we take the necessary spiritual steps to make our house a home. A place where Christ is not only acknowledged, but loved and glorified. A place of faith, and grace, governed by God's word. As Matthew would say in his gospel, a place that stands firmly on a foundation of rock vs. sand. These simple verses have given me a new perspective. They have turned a burden into a lesson, which is a huge blessing!
But just so you know, even though I'm excited to have learned this valuable lesson, I still want to be in my dreary day mindset. I just do, okay? Because I'm still out of toothpaste. And I still have to go to the gym. BUT, I can guarantee that wherever Walker & I settle down, this verse will be painted on a centrally located wall as a constant reminder:::
"The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock." --Matthew 7:25
By "days like today" I mean the chilly.windy.rainy.dreary kind. Today, Greenville swapped flowers in bloom for clouds of gloom. Well...it wasn't nasty all day--but by the time the sun came out, I was already in my dreary day mindset and I decided to just go with it.
Logically, when I am in my dreary day mindset, I think about dreary day type things. In my mind. And the most dreariest thoughts in my head today include, but are not limited to: 1) I am out of toothpaste. This has literally never happened to me in my whole life. 2) I have to go to the gym. 3) I'm not married to Walker yet. 4) That's probably a good thing. Because we would have nowhere to live. As I drove to work, the dreary thoughts kept comin', when one of those precious James Dobson Focus on the Family moments came on the radio. Dr. Dobson's minute long message addressed Matthew chapter 7, the wise & foolish builders.
In that moment, a peace came over me that I have seldom known. I was given the humbling realization that it doesn't matter one bit what kind of house we live in, but that we take the necessary spiritual steps to make our house a home. A place where Christ is not only acknowledged, but loved and glorified. A place of faith, and grace, governed by God's word. As Matthew would say in his gospel, a place that stands firmly on a foundation of rock vs. sand. These simple verses have given me a new perspective. They have turned a burden into a lesson, which is a huge blessing!
But just so you know, even though I'm excited to have learned this valuable lesson, I still want to be in my dreary day mindset. I just do, okay? Because I'm still out of toothpaste. And I still have to go to the gym. BUT, I can guarantee that wherever Walker & I settle down, this verse will be painted on a centrally located wall as a constant reminder:::
"The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock." --Matthew 7:25
Monday, April 4, 2011
5.5.Weeks.Later.
I acknowledge that I have not blogged since February 24th. I also acknowledge that I said I wouldn't let that happen. But I ALSO beg of you to acknowledge that I couldn't help it! Really, I couldn't! Spring Break came in early March, first for me, then for Walker, and since then...life has been a wonderful.stressful.emotional.busy.nervewracking.joyful. whirlwind!
Yes. I did just use half a dozen adjectives to describe my life. I sure did.
It would take me all night & probably thirteen separate blog posts to document all that I've learned/felt/experienced since February 24th. But here are a few highlights:::
"There is a spiritual satisfaction that comes even in the midst of our trials. It is a demeanor that may not be as "showy" as gleeful happiness, but it is much less subject to moods and makes for much more permanent a disposition."
Yes. I did just use half a dozen adjectives to describe my life. I sure did.
It would take me all night & probably thirteen separate blog posts to document all that I've learned/felt/experienced since February 24th. But here are a few highlights:::
- I said "yes" to the perfect wedding shoes! Then I found prettier more perfect cheaper ones so I said "heck yes!" to those. So happy with my final decision...as I've mentioned in previous posts, finding the right shoe was quite a task!
- I ordered our invitations! What a nightmare. I had no idea there were so many ways to say "we're gonna be there!" or "sorry--can't make it." But there are tons! We went with "joyfully accepts" and "regretfully declines." If that sounds ridiculous, please don't tell me. Because I can't change it now.
- Walker & I officially began our search for an apartment! Sensitive subject at the moment. But more on that later down the list...
- Our Big Day countdown is now in the double-digits! Eeek!
- My girlfriends threw me a "Panty Party." It will forever be remembered as one of the most awkward & hilarious nights of my life. Special thanks to my best friend Ashley Miller for heading up all the planning! I got to spend lots of time with her & her sweet/spastic pup, Smiley. So fun!
- I discovered Peppermints, a brand new frozen yogurt shop in Greenville. And my life has not been the same since. If you live in Greenville, you've got to try it! Good & good (er...better) for you! Even if you don't live in Greenville, get on a plane right now. Board a ferry. Ride a bike. Or a Razor scooter. Just find a way to get to Peppermints.
- Walker & I started our premarital counseling! So far, its going really well. There have definitely been some intense conversations, but they have already proven to be so beneficial in our relationship. We're learning so much, and growing even closer to each other!
- I started watching Dancing With the Stars. Which I never thought I would do. I'm team Kanenball (Chelsea Kane & Mark Ballas) and so basically I only watch the show until its their turn. Then I just keep an eye on the scores to make sure the other couples don't beat them. I don't know why I'm including this on the list. Perhaps because it is on right now. Or maybe because my life these days is just that boring.
- I joined a gym. And every muscle in my body feels like burning hot lava. It is not fun. Not fun at all. Its actually in the running for the least fun thing I have ever done in my whole life. (Haha get it, running?) But by going every morning I am learning new lessons in determination & commitment. That part feels good. But the rest is so hard you guys. And I look like such a fool on that elliptical machine. But its all about :::shedding for the wedding::: ya know? More of my awkward gym saga coming soon...
- Last but not least: I have had a resurgence of faith. Faith in my Creator, in my fiance, and in myself. As I mentioned, Walker & I began searching for a place to live in March, and we haven't exactly experienced success. Its been a huge burden on us both, seeing as a place to live is a huge piece in the puzzle that is our first year of marriage. But this struggle has reminded me that even when things don't fit together just the way I would like them to, Christ has such a bigger.better.crazier plan for my life. For our life. When I try and wrap my brain around that thought, I am given comfort, and peace, and true joy. Through this trial, and this entire wedding planning process in general, God has revealed Himself to me in a glorious, sovereign, unmistakable way. And I am so grateful. I am so humbled.
"There is a spiritual satisfaction that comes even in the midst of our trials. It is a demeanor that may not be as "showy" as gleeful happiness, but it is much less subject to moods and makes for much more permanent a disposition."
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