Fresh.Air.

Tonight I blog for two reasons. 1) I have a paper due tomorrow and I don't feel like finishing it. Or starting it, really. And 2) I am craving Peppermints like you would not believe. I'm thinking that if I put my mind on something else, the paper will write itself & I'll kick this craving. Here's hopin'.

Today I cannot shake the feeling that my soul is in need of a good, deep breath of fresh air. All day long I've felt like my heart was full of stale, day-old, used-up love & grace & energy & every other ingredient that I need to live a day to it's fullest. I've been trying to figure out :::why::: I feel so stale inside. I can only come up with one reason. Lately my soul has felt so pressed down & pestered by questions + doubts + lies + false hopes...that I have completely neglected it's need for freshness & resurgence.

These peeves that plague my heart deal with things like:::my future.my job.my body.my friends & family. So many unknowns & can't dos & what ifs, reeling through my mind all day. But tonight God has given me the strength to turn all of those into:::What if the things that Christ can do with a humble & fresh heart, are untold & unknown.

I have realized that for weeks, I've been taking gulps of this stale air & filling my soul up with it, thinking it will be sufficient. Thinking it's enough to keep me spiritually alive. But breathing this used-up air is not what I am called to. And it's not what I'm worth. I am ready to begin again breathing the fresh, clean air that Christ has made available to us all.

But what does that look like? I really can't imagine tonight, as helpless as that sounds. I feel like I'm stuck in this dark dungeon that doesn't have any room for fresh air. But this dungeon of stale air is not my home. It's not where I belong. I know I have a spot in His meadow. Frolicking in fresh grass & breathing fresh air & singing fresh songs of His goodness. I have been there before, and I will get back there again. But just for tonight...I fight in the dungeon.

I feel really self conscious and see-through as I write this tonight. And I can't help but wonder if this even makes sense to anyone? Am I alone? Those questions aren't rhetorical by the way...it would be such an encouragement to know. Are you breathing fresh meadow air tonight? Or are you falsely imprisoned, like me, in a dungeon depriving us of the fresh, sweet, true air that we long for? Wherever you find yourself...please, pray for me and I'll pray for you. And soon we will all be fresh air breathers!

Oh yeah, in case you were wondering...my paper is still undone, & my craving for Peppermints is stronger than ever. Oh bless.